Why Forgive?

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"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Ask not what it will do for the perpetrator.
Ask what will it do for you.

Hello, Dear Driends,

I am writing this on the plane, flying home to San Francisco after a very short and the most fulfilling trip to New York.

My talk about the Mystery and Controversy of Forgiveness at the Reform Temple of Forest Hills was an extraordinary experience. It was a wonderful and warm group pf people, open-minded and welcoming.

I was asked excellent questions, among them - the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, what to do when the offenders do not express regret for their actions, and what it means "forgiving is for you, not for the abuser, while it is the abuser who has inflicted the pain."

I will touch upon these below, in this week's
Food for Thought.

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The Holidays are upon us! I know that many of you have been continuously buying and giving The Power of the Possible to your friends and family members.

Here is what I'd like to do.
Holidays can get expensive and everything counts, especially these days.

I have a Holiday Offer available at my website, ThePowerOfThePossible.com.

Buy 2 copies of The Power of the Possible and I will include another wonderful book - Peak Vitality, with chapters from Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, John Gray, Marianne Williamson and also - yours truly:).

If you'd like me to, I will sign and inscribe each of the books to the person you are giving it. All you need to do is drop me a line after you have completed the purchase.

I am also offering a Holiday Coupon Special to my Blog and Newsletter readers.

The Award-Winning 10-CD Unabridged Audio Book of The Power of the Possible, recorded by me and normally priced at $79.95, will be available for $45.00!

Use the coupon code HOLIDAY DISCOUNT when you purchase the Audio Book 10-CD Set to receive my special holiday price of only $45.00.

This Audio Book will make a great gift for someone who spends a lot of time in the car or for anyone whose life doesn't leave them much time to snuggle with a book.

I will also include Peak Vitality with the Audio Book. By the way, the only place the Audio Book is available is my Website.

I also have a very few of the collectible books - the unedited version of The Power of the Possible, issued prior to publication. It includes a CD with the excerpts from the book, again - recorded my me.
This will be on the first come - first serve basis. I have never offered any of it to anyone. You can have it for the same price as the regular book (including the Holiday Offer.) Just to drop me a line saying that to send you this one and not the regular edition.



"Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."
- Nelson Mandela.

This week's Food for Thought are my answers to the questions I posed for you in the last letter:

1.-Why forgive?

So that you can finally find peace.

The person that is at peace with himself does not want to start wars, he doesn't want to kill, to get revenge, to prove himself right...

When you are at peace with yourself - you accept yourself, you don't try to be perfect (which it impossible and so you always fail at it.) You accept other people, you are able to set proper boundaries, you are much more capable to help others...

Do you want to do good in the world?
Do you want to be loving and kind and giving to your family and loved ones?
Do you want to not be judgmental and to be compassionate instead?

- Become a forgiving person.

Otherwise, regardless of your very best intentions - you will continue to snap, or loose your temper, or be hurtful, or punish by pouting and withdrawing into silences, or whatever else it is you do. (Not sure? - Ask the ones who love you and put up with it. They will tell you, if you promise not to argue back and not to punish.)

- Become a forgiving person.

Do it for YOURSELF, so you can begin to live free from pain - and if this is not enough of a motivation - do it for the ones you love. How much more will you be able to give to them! How much better you will be able to love them!

Think about it.

Imagine a world populated by people who have found peace through forgiveness and through self-forgiveness? What a different world it would be.

And it doesn't mean you are now to take the ones you forgave back into your life. Not at all. Not unless you want to.

Forgiveness does NOT mean Reconciliation. You forgive pragmatically. For yourself. It does not take away their responsibility and accountability. But it is no longer your business.

Let the proper authorities deal with it, if it applies. As for you - you are setting yourself free from all that happened.

Nelson Mandela's words ring so true: "Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."

Stop drinking it. It is killing YOU.

2.-Who deserves forgiveness, and when do they deserve it?

It is not about 'deserving' or 'not deserving, nor about 'when' do they deserve it.

Who deserves forgiveness? YOU do! If you were hurt or abused - do you now deserve to live with this pain forever????

You are the one who has all the power. You have the POWER TO FORGIVE! No one can give it to you and no one can take it away.

Discover it! Use it to set yourself free.

This is also true if you are the perpetrator of someone else's pain and if the person you need to forgive is yourself.
Read answer to question #1.

And if you want to make sure you never do anything like that again, the only way to ensure it is to forgive yourself for it.

Not easy, I know.

But possible. Absolutely possible.

The Forgiveness Meditations I have on the Home page of my website ( center page, to the right) work! Download them. They are my gift to you. Just like I once received them as a gift. Use them. They do work!!!!

3.-Is forgiveness for the victim or for the perpetrator?

For the victim! Of course for the victim. If the perpetrators are changed by your forgiveness of them - good. But their crime is between them and their conscience. Between them and God.

Don't wait for an apology to become free. If the apology comes - good, if it doesn't - are you going to give THEM the Power to set you free?

What if they don't care? What if they are dead?...Do you see how absurd it can get?

4.-Which (if any) conditions must be met before we can forgive?

None. Read the answer above.

Develop the awareness and the understanding of why you need to do it. That's all. Read this letter a few times, on different days perhaps, and - let it in.

5.-Is there a crime that is "unforgivable"?

In truth - not. But there are things we as society and individually have deemed to be beyond forgiveness. It is a long and painful list - murder, cruelty to children, incest, genocide, rape...I do not need to finish the list. It is endless. And yet - here lies the Paradox of Forgiveness.

Even these crimes must be forgiven if we are to stop them from happening and - if we are ever to be free from that pain.

But how? you ask. I wrote about it so much...on pp.119 to 126 in The Power of the Possible. You are going to have to read it, again or for the first time, if you want to understand this deeper. I really can't go into more in the format of this letter.

6.-Do only people who have met the conditions deserve forgiveness?

See the answers above.

7.-How do you forgive yourself when you don't believe you deserve forgiveness?

Tell yourself the truth about what you did and let yourself feel what comes. Not your self-hate, but your remorse. This takes courage and strength. If you let yourself - you will know the difference. Why should you? Read answer #1.

8.-Why is remorse often the hardest thing to feel?

It is much easier to judge yourself as unworthy. You've done it most of your life. Everyone has. And - it is too scary to honestly look at yourself. You are too afraid you will discover something ugly. Amazingly, what you will discover if you stay with your feelings and don't cut them off, is how beautiful and human you actually are. This alone is worth giving it a try!

9.-Is forgiveness an act of will? A choice? Or is it Divine Grace?

It is all of the above.

You have to be willing to end the pain, make the choice to do it, and take the steps to forgive.

And with it -
the Ultimate Forgiveness can only be received. It is one of the greatest mysteries and will always remain that. Forgiveness is a gift, the Diving Grace. You must to your part. Then - you will receive it. A sacred gift, it will change your forever.

If this touches you - you can read more on p.124 of The Power of the Possible.

10. - Why no change is possible without forgiveness happening first?

If you've tried changing your behavior patterns or your life without forgiving what had brought you to being this way in the first place, you have no doubt discovered that simply making a decision to be different was not enough.

Forgiveness always precedes all change.
Change is the by-product of forgiveness. Forgive, and your life will change. Forgive - and you will begin to see everything through different eyes, truer eyes. Forgive - and reap the bounty. Don't' forgive, fight for your right 'to be right' - and nothing will change. Both you and your life will remain the same

You are a being with free will. As am I, and as is everyone else on this planet.

To forgive or not to forgive?
The choice is yours. Choose freedom!


All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 18th.

Much love to you, always.
Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.

P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, share it with your friends and family.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
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