"Don't be a realist. Our world needs dreamers. Be an incurable optimist. And see your reality change. See it change beyond what you can imagine."
- Auriela McCarthy

To visit Auriela's Website click here: Auriela McCarthy

Friday, May 25, 2012

"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Hello, dear friends,

Good to be connecting with you again!

The last few weeks seem to have just flown by.

I loved talking in Santa Rosa on May 3d. A wonderful group of people.
Very warm response. I enjoyed every minute! Judging by the nodding heads all the way through the talk I knew the topic hit a nerve.

I was talking about feelings...what happens when we suppress the "difficult" ones. Deny our anger, refuse to feel rage, avoid and deny hate...?

(Did I say "hate"? Yes, I did. Hate comes up, for all of us. Just read the news sometimes. Read about what goes on in some places in Africa, see the photos. learn the facts...) 
We don't need to justify and explain what we feel, we just need to feel.

And - let go.

Which is easier said than done, because most people have spent their lives teaching themselves the opposite:
trying to manage life while avoiding their feelings.

Of course, it comes with a very high price:

Needlessly long suffering, physical illness, chronic fatigue, struggle, lack of success or lack of lasting success... And also with lack of clarity, inability to make decisions or act on the decisions made...loss of relationships ... The list is long.

We needed to be taught this starting with kindergarten. But we weren't. It wasn't on the curriculum in grade school either. And yet - knowing what to do with the feelings we feel is one of the essential skills for life.

I am going to speak about it again, live.
On the evening of Thursday, May 31st, in Mill Valley, Ca.

If you live around here, do come and do bring your friends. I promise it will be worth your while! You will leave with at least 3-4 things you can begin to use right away. Probably more.

When I talked in Santa Rosa, people left with pages of notes.
The talk is called:

"Using the Phenomenal Power of Your Feelings for Unstoppable Success."

click here for details

For those of you who don't live in the Bay Area of San Francisco - worry not! I have decided to follow my intuition  (and your emails) and teach an 8 Part telephone class:

"A Step by Step Map to Clarity, Prosperity and Peace." 

If you decide to join me in this 8 weeks class, get ready for your life to improve in ways beyond what you can imagine. Yes, it's true.

We will start in mid June and everything will be recorded.  Watch your inbox for my emails and I will send you the details soon. 

 *  *  *

And now, as always, this week's Food for Thought.
A story.

I went on a couple of trips this month, among them, one to Portland on a family matter, where I also had a chance to hang out with my old clients and friends I haven't seen in 5 years.

I got to spend time in one of the most amazing book stores I have ever seen, I went to a 2 pm dance on a Sunday to accompany a dear friend where I saw people in their late 70ies and 80ies kick it up on the dance floor with such pizzazz and grace it made my heart sing!

Watching them dance I couldn't help but notice a beautiful woman whose every movement and every smile seemed to emanate light. She looked to be in her late 60ies, maybe early 70ies.

As luck would have it, we were introduced. She pulled me into her embrace, wrapped her strong arms around me and held me for a few seconds. We smiled at each other. We began to talk. Before long, she was telling me her story.

She was 84 years old, a widow 3 times, she had been coming to this club for over 15 years, and...she had lost her daughter to cancer but a few months ago...

I gasped, but she waved away my "I am so sorry...",
a genuine movement, not a fake one. 

"My daughter had such a great life! she said.
"She did EVERYTHING she wanted to do. Everything. She just went for it. She traveled everywhere she wanted to go, she didn't let anything stop her...

"And she was a great person. She touched many lives. I am so proud of her. There were several hundred people at her memorial service, so many people brought cookies..."

At this, she broke into laughter and proceeded to tell me more about the cookies...

I did a double take.

Was this conversation for real? To be talking about cookies at the memorial service while having just lost a daughter you loved so dearly? To have her be taken from you by cancer so early... and...to be so filled with joy?

Was it denial, the first stage of grief? Was it the way the woman was coping with her unimaginable loss?  

Or was her light-heartedness real? Coming from a place of deep peace, a sensing of a deeper mystery behind everything?

The more I listened and watched, the more real she felt to me.

Was it truly possible to transcend your grief that fast?

She invited us to her home and I had a chance to spend more time with this remarkable woman.

Yes, she was genuine, and yes, she WAS celebrating her daughter's life. There was no sadness, no quickly brushed away tears, no suffering, no hidden sighs.

In fact, she was celebrating LIFE, pretty much all the time. Without effort, without reminders to self to focus on the positive.

She simply saw her life and ALL LIFE as a miracle, and she was grateful for every moment.

She was 84 years old, vibrant, alive and fabulous.

She was saying YES to everything. 

There is no moral to this story. I know that each one of you will draw your own conclusions.

For me, two things stand out.

1. How much joy she drew from the fact that her daughtergot to do and to experience everything she had set out to do.
That she had said "yes" to herself, took risks, had adventures, acted on her dreams, had courage to pursue them and did not postpone anything.

2. The true joy this amazing woman has been exuding with her very breath. And not in spite of adversity, but as a state of being.

Here is something I learned:

If you want to experience Joy, real, effervescent, contagious joy, you have to allow yourself to feel  (and to feel deeply) everything else that also comes your way.

You can't numb the so-called "difficult" feelings in favor of the "good" ones. It doesn't work this way.

If you avoid feeling something that's hard to feel, for example, anger, rage, hate, hurt, pain...if you stuff them or deny you even have them, this denial will spread to all else.

And it will be impossible to feel deeply happy, serenely peaceful, joyously loving...and all the rest of the wonderful, fabulous, amazing emotions available to us, human beings, to experience.

I am certain that this 84 year old, 3 times widowed mother of a daughter who has just died of cancer stumbled on this truth long ago.

When hit by loss, she felt the pain of loss, when hit by rage - she felt the fury of rage...

But she didn't stay there. That's how she was able to get to the other side. That was the secret to her happiness.

The difficult feelings are ALWAYS followed by the light ones.
That's why we have a saying "there is light at the end of the tunnel."

Think about it. Come to the talk, if you can. Here is the link to the flyer one more time.    just click here 

If it feels right, please, forward it to your friends and family.

All for now,

Love and blessings,

Auriela's Links

Visit The Power Of The Possible Site Here:

About Auriela McCarthy

auriela 3-quarter crop
Auriela McCarthy is the author of an Award- Winning book
The Power of the  Possible,
a book of Hope and Inspiration.The book's Foreign editions include India,  South Korea,  Turkey, Denmark, Nigeria and Italy. 
Often called a Modern-Day Spiritual Dear Abby, Auriela is a mystic, with both feet planted deeply in the common sense. She has been helping people from all walks of life as a spiritual mentor, a teacher, a guide and a relationships expert for over 15 years.  

In 2008 Auriela originated the movement: The World Wide Call to Forgive.
This call is sounded once a year on the International Day of Forgiveness, when thousands of people around the world join in to synchronized Forgiveness Meditations.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Hello dear friends,

This time, I'm posting a short blog post, as an invitation to those of you living in the Bay Area to come hear me talk a week from now, onThursday May 3 at the Healing Flower Place in Santa Rosa, California.

just click here to see the flyer

I will be talking about something near and dear to my heart, something I haven't yet spoken about publicly and to the extent I plan to do it now.

I wrote about it in The Power of the Possible, in many places throughout the book, in Chapter Five: "To Stay or to Leave? Forgiving the Unforgivable" on pp.115 and on then on pp. 150, 227 and 251.

I often talked about this when I was doing my radio shows. But never specifically and never with the singular focus.

You might be wondering what it is already and why the suspense?

I just can't help it, I guess. Whenever I get excited about something I am about to tell, I tend to lead with the long introduction.:). Forgive me:), this must be the story-teller in me taking over.

What I will be talking about is the incredible, amazing, phenomenal power that each of us has. This Power is our ability to feel.

Is that all???

Yes, dear friends, that's all...and that "all" is an immense, all-encompassing learning that we can spend the rest of our lives unraveling.

Each one of us is born with this ability, or rather, this gift.
To be able to experience the full range of feelings, from the lowest and darkest ones like hopelessness, loneliness, despair...to the lightest and the most expanding ones likelove, happiness, well being, optimism... And everything in between of course. 

So what's the big deal? It's common knowledge, isn't it?

Yes and no. More "no" than "yes" I would say. Unfortunately.

What's not common knowledge is what having this power, (something we are born with and therefore take for granted) can do.

Because the extraordinary power of our feelings comes with the double edge:
it can save your life AND it can destroy it
It can do either. And it can do both.

It is not a question of whether or not it will do it.
The question is "how" it will go about it and whether or not you want to be conscious and in charge of the process and the outcome.

That's why I am so excited to be sharing this information.

It is fair to say that I have spent the last 25 years exploring, learning and experiencing on my own skin the power of feeling (and - of not feeling.)
I plan to share a few of the most devastating moments of my life and also a few of the life-changing, liberating ones.

This is why I chose "How to use The Phenomenal Power of Your Feelings, a Way to Happiness" as the topic of my first public appearance in 2 years.
Because it's time. And because we are all ready.

I won't write more about it now since I intend to record the talk and (provided the equipment works) will put a link to it here, in my next newsletter.

I know that a great number of you live all over the world, bless your hearts, it moves so deeply, every time I look at all the places of the globe you come from. Sorry, I am not yet equipped to do live simulcast, I plan to be able to offer it soon.
Watch for the next post and you will be able to listen to the recording.

here again is the link with the invitation to the talk

Click on it regardless of where you live and whether or not you can come in person.
There are some intriguing points that will peak your curiosity and make you think.

If you have friends or family in my area, please, forward it to them, the things I will talk about are vital for everyone who is living in today's world.

All for now.
With Peace and Blessings,

Auriela McCarthy

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Crabs in the Bucket

It was my birthday this week, and I am feeling so happy! So grateful for my life!
I spent the morning just basking in gratitude. It was a wonderful day!

Thanks to all of you who know me personally (or through FaceBook), and have sent me the Happy Birthday wishes.  I was answering the phone and emails all morning on Wednesday and it dawned on me the way it never did before - we are all SO CONNECTED! We are more connected than we can even comprehend at this time. I am beginning to get a glimpse of it. WOW!

My dears, in case you'd like the links I sent in the last blog again, I'm putting them in this blog, too.

Here is the link to the recording of my talk at the New SuperWoman Summit:        

go here to listen

This recording teaches (among other things) a very powerful and effective way to get out of feeling overwhelmed (if and when it happens.) And it does, to all of us:).

You will also learn what you can do to quickly get yourself in shape emotionally if you are, say, on the way to an important meeting, or a date, or a job interview and are feeling anxious, or scared, or terrified...not the way you want to show up.

These are the techniques I have been using in my own life, endless times over the years. They work!

If you are at a place where you need help with direction, a bit of guidance as to how to move on, clarity about the next step in your life... pretty much anything that can be covered within an hour's time - do fill the application below.

They call me the Spiritual Dear Abbey for a reason:):):)...
I can't take many of these calls simply because of time, but I will do my best to make it happen for you. People often have amazing Miracles right on the call. Like getting a set of new eyes. Suddenly, doors open, new opportunities show up. I extend you my invitation!

click here to see the application

And now this week's Food for Thought.

I have been working with a client who has recently taken a few courageous steps towards expanding her business and as a result is having wonderful success. The success however came with the price she didn't expect.

It feels like a painful price to pay, and it is.

Let me explain.

A life saving surgery is painful.
Telling your adult child who has comfortably settled "back at home" to get his own place and make his own income is painful.  A long overdue break up of a relationship that's not working is painful...
The list is long. You know what I am talking about.

There are many things we have to do at times that are difficult, but right. Looking back, we often see them as "the best thing we did." My client was dealing with one of those situations. In her case, it was the old "crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

I wrote about it a few year back. When I mentioned it to her she had no idea what I was talking about.

There and then I pulled up my old blogs.
We read the blog together and it was so right on I decided to publish it here again.


I am sure there will be a situation or two in your life where this applies ( or did in the past.) Or you may know someone who is dealing with this right now. Please, pass on this newsletter. Just click the "Forward" link at the very bottom. You will find many people thanking you for it.

Here is to your success and happiness!

 Today's Food for Thought is about "Crabs in the Bucket."

A true story.

A friend of mine who has been able to move past the hurt and anger and rage she had been feeling about the way her relationship with her lover ended is beginning to feel good again.

No longer is she hating the man's guts every waking moment, no longer is she burning with the need for revenge...no longer is she dwelling in the past, clenching her fists, remembering how awfully she has been treated...

Instead, she is suddenly - very happy. She feels free again, she is able to focus on the future, she is feeling gratitude for so many wonderful things in her life. She is even thinking of quitting her job, perhaps starting her own business.

After so many tears and sleepless nights, is feels like such a miracle not to be in pain any more! She is overjoyed, thrilled with how she is feeling. It's been a very long time since she felt so happy. But when she shares with her fiends, their response is - silence.

They don't believe her.
They think she is lying to herself and that she needs to tell herself and them "the truth": how badly she really feels.
"You need to vent," they tell her. "Go ahead, keep venting, don't hold back, we are here for you."

Venting. Such a charming word. A euphemism for blaming and for staying in righteous anger.

They all met for lunch the other day and this is where that conversation took place.

My friend left feeling frustrated and lost. And angry at her girlfriends, women she had know all her life.

She doesn't want to see them anymore, she is also torn...

Why am I telling you this?

Because what I have just described is not uncommon.

"The crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

Have you ever seen people gathering crabs on the beach? Do you know that they never put a lid on the bucket where they keep their crabs?

They don't have to.

Because as soon as the second crab is inside the bucket, one of the crabs will make sure the other one stays put by pulling it down every time it tries to get out!

Now imagine there are more than just two crabs at the bottom of this bucket. Say, now there are 5 or 10...or perhaps a whole bunch of them crawling around, bumping into each other, unable to get out.

Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can.
And they can whine and complain about how they hate people who put them there, how they hate being in the box, how unfair life is to crabs.
And guess what? They will always find a sympathetic ear as long as they are in that bucket.

And as they cry and complain, they distract themselves from what comes next: a slow and painful death.
Because they are all on the way to being cooked, aren't they?
Or sold and then separated and then - cooked?

Denial is a powerful mechanism. Even crabs are using it. Denying the fact that they have lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that bucket.

And now imagine that one of these crabs decides: enough! I can't breath in this crowded place. There is not enough light and not enough space for me to move. I will get out of here! I want my freedom back.

What do you think is going to happen as this crab begins to crawl up, muttering on its way: "Sorry guys, I love you, but...I no longer fit here."
Immediately, the remaining crabs will move together to pull it back down! "Not so fast! Who do you think you are? We are not good for you anymore?!"

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you've made friends with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, if you have joined their club and have been "happily bitching along" about how life is unfair, the boss is a jerk, how you can't trust men, or women, or anyone for that matter, how it is "impossible to make money these days"...what happens when you suddenly wake up?

Suddenly, you are not fun anymore.
Not only are your "friends" not interested, they mock you, they don't want to listen, they encourage you to go back to the way you were.


Because you no longer fit with them. And they will try to do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again.
Just like crabs in the bucket do. Miserable, but together.

But let us give these friends the benefit of the doubt.
Because often times, they are not bad or malicious people. They are simply people in pain. They have not yet found the way out of that prison, and they are scared of losing you.

Also, your courage to change and to lift up to a higher resonance is a reminder of what they won't deal in themselves. And so - they pull you down.

This is what is happening to my friend.
And now she has 2 choices:

Leave the friends she no longer fits with and step into the scary, unknown territory of a new life

or - go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as she was.

The former takes courage, and trusting yourself.
The latter is simpler. It does not require much, except you - giving up on yourself.

But Auriela, isn't it so cold? So unfeeling? How can you suggest that she leave her friends? They might have been there for her all her life?

My answer is this.
If they are really good friends, they will change their reaction and support her in her growth. And if they won't, perhaps it is time to leave them behind.

Is it cold and unfeeling? Hardly.
There will be sadness, there will be grieving and there will be loss...  And she will feel what comes for her - and she will let it go.

She may be alone for a while. There are no guarantees in life.

Keeping these old friends that keep pulling her down comes with a price. Too high a price, in my opinion.
That price is self-abandonment.

Is it worth paying?

You tell me.

Here is the quote I love:

"There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free." Lazaris.

Breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted...
It is much safer in the bucket. "It may be hell, but it's home."

Would anyone want to leave security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Sometimes - more than other times. Still they acted!
They went ahead even when they didn't have all the answers. And they have built the lives they dreamed about, blazing their trial for the rest of us.

They forged their own course and in the process - found themselves.

And the moral?

You are not here to get everyone's approval, nor are you here to be liked by everyone.

What are you here for?
The answer is yours to find.

I will give you a hint: You are here to find happiness, to create it for yourself, consciously. You are here to learn how to have fun! And to live the most amazing and joyous life.

A life-long journey. The most unselfish and loving thing you can do.
How come? Think about it. Find the answers. They will be life-changing for you.
Or - you and I can talk about it. It will be especially meaningful if you happen to be facing a life-changing decision. (click on the link at the end of this letter and I will do my best to make it happen. hopefully the link works this time:).)

Also, do write to me, share your stories, ask your questions. I want to know you, I want to see how I can serve you more.
There are many people who are subscribing to my newsletter. This touches me, and it is my great wish to get to know you personally. It may take me a few days to respond, but I always do.

All for now.

With Blessings and Peace,

P.S. Just a reminder:

Here is the link to the recording of my talk at the New SuperWoman Summit.

click here to listen

And here is the link to apply for a complimentary directional talk with me.

click here to apply

P.P.S. If you are enjoying this newsletter, please, forward it to your friends and family, to those who you think is looking for this information.       

Auriela's Links

Visit The Power Of The Possible Site Here:

If you would like to join our mailing list
just click this link:
auriela 3-quarter crop

I would never give y
our information to anyone.

About Auriela McCarthy

auriela 3-quarter crop
Auriela McCarthy is the author of an Award- Winning book
The Power of the  Possible,
a book of Hope and Inspiration.The book's Foreign editions include India,  South Korea,  Turkey, Denmark, Nigeria and Italy. 
Often called a Modern-Day Spiritual Dear Abby, Auriela is a mystic, with both feet planted deeply in the common sense. She has been helping people from all walks of life as a spiritual mentor, a teacher, a guide and a relationships expert for over 15 years.  

In 2008 Auriela originated the movement: The World Wide Call to Forgive.
This call is sounded once a year on the International Day of Forgiveness, when thousands of people around the world join in to synchronized Forgiveness Meditations.

With Peace and Blessings,

Auriela McCarthy