Pause??? But I Have So Much To Do!

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Hello, dear friends,

Happy New Year!!!!

I know you haven't heard from me for a while.
It wasn't because I've been too busy with the Season or New Year's celebration.
For one reason or another, right in the midst of this usually very active time, I entered a very quiet phase.

It began somewhere in the middle of December and it is still going on to a degree, though I seem to be ready to come out of it.
During this time, to do anything but what was absolutely necessary - I would have had to force myself. Even writing this letter that I so love to do felt like too much effort...
Everything slowed down and stopped. I slowed down and entered a pause.
In this pause, in the depth of winter, I turned inward.

Read more about this in my Food for Thought below.

To my dear students-teachers who come to the Tuesday night classes, and to those of you who have been considering joining us for a while now, yet haven't quite made it:

This coming Tuesday, tomorrow night, we will be talking about what we will do this year. Bring your thoughts, bring your desires and your questions. This is a time of deepening. I can feel in my bones. I also know: you are ready.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Food for Thought

Not much can be "accomplished" during the time of pause.
I put the word accomplished in quotation marks because in our culture, the word stands for tangible results. "Show me the money." "What have you 'done?' "

Not many people realize that any true achievements and accomplishment always start within.

Internal change precedes external results.
Choice always precedes action.
Forgiveness always precedes change. Never the other way around.

I don't have the tangible results of my time of pause.
I don't have more pages and pages of my new book written.
Not yet.

I attempted writing my weekly letter to you, several times, but nothing came out. It was the same with the book I had been writing, that had until then been so wonderfully all consuming.
I only had one or two bursts of creativity during that entire time...

No, this was not "a writer's block." I don't believe in writer's blocks.
To me, what people call "writer's blocks" are usually either self-pity or a time when you are simply not inspired, you can't find your creativity.

The answer to both is - to write anyway.
Because as you do, you will break through this state. You will step out of self-pity ( if this was the case,) and even if it wasn't, you will find your voice again, the creative juices will start flowing even if the first number of pages you write is only good for the waste basket.

You will break through. Then you can just discard these pages with gratitude and a chuckle. How often, since I had begun writing have I been grateful for the "delete" button on my own key boardJ!

So why didn't I follow my own advice and write then?

Because it was not what was going on with me.
I haven't been "blocked", nor was I sorry for myself. Something was pulling me inward, into deep introspection, into a deep pause.

And I honored it.
I honored myself in it. And frankly, I didn't have much choice in the matter.

Swimming upstream is hard. Fighting 'what is' is not just hard, it is pointless. And so I embraced it. I gave myself permission to flow with it, however long it took.

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Life didn't stop of course.
I still worked with my private clients, I still taught on Tuesday nights at my School of Hope and Inspiration.
To show you how elegant life is, doing these things had not been an effort at all, but a pleasure and fun as it has always been.

A paradox, it seems, but something I could understand, because once I was working with people, the 'me' that was introspective and quiet would step aside, so I could be there for others with the same caring and awareness I had been before.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons mainly.
One, because I have always been intimate with you, my readers. I don't really know how not to be this way in anything I do - in by books, in my radio, in these letters, in one-on-one interactions.

If I can't share myself and be real, I'd rather not do it at all. And also, because I think reading about my quiet time may help you when your own quiet time comes, as it always does.
So that you recognize it, don't judge it or yourself, give yourself all the time and space you need.

Sadly, we live in a culture where you don't have the permission to do this. You are supposed "to buckle up," ignore your soul's call to pause, fight yourself and work harder. Which is never a good idea, of course, because you will slow down anyway, even if it takes getting a cold or a flue or worse.

Don't do it. Instead - you, give yourself permission to honor the pause when it comes.
Don't ignore it, don't force yourself to do more than absolutely necessary. Don't "plow through it."
Do what you need to do, continue to be responsible, don't let people down and don't sabotage yourself.

And at the same time - don't miss this great opportunity for growth and healing.

When a deep slowing down happens to you, it doesn't come out of nowhere, though it may often seem so.

Consider that perhaps - it is your soul calling on you, asking you to pay attention, to trust it, and not your ego that is telling you once again that something must be wrong with you.

Consider that perhaps something is very right, and respect this time of pause as your sacred time. A time when you integrate what you've learned, a time of deepening. Trust it, even if you don't know what exactly you are "integrating" or deepening. Your soul knows. And in time, you will too.

This phase won't go on forever. It will end, and you will emerge back into the light with new insights and deeper understandings. Be patient with yourself. You want to be more self-loving? This is how to do it. Besides, none of us have ever been too successful with overpowering the soul.

How much more elegant - to listen and to give it voice rather than fight it and get yourself sick - forced to stop because you refused to listen to 'whispers,' so they turned into 'shouts?'

The soul will get your attention either way. Because it knows the truth: the only reason you are here is to grow. Grow as a human being, grow spiritually.

Pausing and going inward is an essential part of growth.

Think about it.

* * *

I will write about the New Year's resolutions and what's wrong with the whole idea in my next letter.

I am sending you all my love. Thanks for being there, in cyberspace and in my life...being able to write to you is such a gift. What magic - to click a button and send my thoughts into the ethos. And to have someone there I may never know or meet read them and be touched by them.
My heart is overflowing.

All for now.
See some of you tomorrow,

Auriela.
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