Forgiving and Forgetting are Not the Same.

First, one last reminder:
The World Wide Forgiveness Meditations are happening on
August 3rd, at 11 AM EST and 1 PM EST. All the details are on my website www.PowerOfThePossible.com
If you are reading this for the first time, read the 2 previous blogs as well and then on Sunday - join us!

The email invitation has been circling the globe for a while now, forwarded by so many people to so many places…The power of the internet is amazing, the power of our choice is even more so.
The Call to Forgive has its own life and its own force. Choreographed by The Power Greater than you and I, it continues to reach people it is supposed to reach. Thank you, everyone who has joined the movement and is helping to spread the message and the information. I will “see you” on August 3rd as you click your computers to join the synchronized guided meditations.

Due to the enormous response I strongly encourage you to go to my website www.PowerOfThePossible.com prior to Sunday and download the meditations to ensure you will be able to do so.

Many have emailed me with their questions. I will try to respond to some of the common threads.

“Why should I bother to forgive, when I have forgotten all of it long ago?”

“…I haven’t even thought about the past in years. Why should I open that cesspool, drag it all back up, get upset all over again just so I can now forgive…????”

Here is my response:

If this is the first thing that came to mind when you thought about who and what to forgive – it is usually correct. Because you do know. You thought about it before the old tape with its old, used up excuses and explanations had had a chance to begin playing in your mind again. So trust yourself and your knowing, and not your usual defense mechanism.

An example from my own life.

Years ago, at the time of my divorce from my first husband, I was taking a close look at all the men in my life and how they had affected it.

I met my first husband when I was 17, so there hadn’t been that many “men” to go through. One was my father. Another one - my step- father.

The step-father used to be the bane of my adolescence. I hated him with passion and when I was 19, old enough to stand up to him, I simply stopped talking to him. I hadn’t spoken to him since and by the time of my divorce the man was long dead.

Never underestimate the power of denial. I shoved the memories of my step-father so far down that I honestly could not remember a thing about what once had caused me many a sleepless night.

There is nothing to look at, I said to myself, trying to avoid “opening that cesspool” for a bit longer. But I knew better by then. And so I called my high school girlfriend who used to be around our family a lot and knew that abusive man well.
“What did he used to do?” I asked her. “Help me remember.”

She paused, thought about it and then - she quoted him. Who could ever forget his insidious, demeaning words? I did. Because I had to. So I could survive the humiliation and move on. Cutting him out of my life by refusing to speak with him was brilliant. Somehow – he backed off and left me alone. Forgetting it all for a long, long, long time worked as well. Except that unresolved memory, that anger and pain, combined with other things “men-related” and also “forgotten” had landed me in a marriage that was now falling apart, for which I was just as responsible as my soon to be ex-husband.

So did my step-father’s impact on me really end when I was 19 and had finally stopped talking to him? Or did it end for real when – after my girlfriend had helped me to remember, I – an adult woman and a mother, was finally ready to go back to that memory, feel it, understand it and – forgive?

Forgive that lost, crazy man, whose abusive mother was born in a Siberian prison. Forgive that angry, raging World War II veteran who in turn became my own domestic horror.

And so I forgave him for what he had become as a result of whatever it was that had happened to him in his past.

No, I didn’t make it OK, but it helped me let go, that’s all. And I also forgave ME - for all the doubt, all the “if only-s”, all the excuses, all the blame, all the years of looking the other way and lying to myself that I was OK.

And guess what? If you ask me now to recount what was it that I forgave him for, I still won’t remember much. Only this time – it is not out of denial. This time it is truly gone. I have long been free of all that past.

With that healing came many gifts. Improved health, deeper peace, and then – Mykaell. I met and eventually married the most incredible man. Nor perfect and not the best ever. Just the best for me.
But just meeting him would not have been enough.

Had I not forgiven all those “other men” starting with father and moving down the line – I would not have been able to create the relationship I have now.
I would still be looking, still repeating the same mistakes.

And oh yes, one more thing. My health now is a hundred percent better than it was 20 years ago.

Think about it.

Forgetting and forgiving are not the same.
Denying the pain and pushing it deep down is very different from letting go and walking away free.

Denial is a powerful mechanism and it helped us survive a lot of things. But it doesn’t work long term. It can’t. What we have not released sits deep inside us and continues its destructive work.

It becomes our internal terrorist. Why? Because you never know when and where it will strike.

What else will it destroy, as we act unconsciously, out of habit and impulse? Another relationship? Another job? Another dream?
Or will it be our health this time? The pain of the heart surfacing as a stroke? A heart attack? A damaged liver or cancer?

So if you get upset and angry just remembering something, or if you find yourself suddenly getting sleepy, lethargic, uninterested or defensive when someone suggests to you that perhaps there are things you need to forgive – pay attention. It is your first clue.

Watch the video where I talk about why we should forgive. I will keep it on my website for some time. Same with the meditations. All of it is freeeee! So download them and they will be yours!
If you miss the Sunday, August 3rd Synchronized Meditations, not all is lost. Forgiveness is not something you do once. You can always turn on the guided meditation and do it again and again, each time going deeper.

Having said that, I hope you will join us all this Sunday and take advantage of the tremendous power generated by the combined focused intention. It will make forgiving so much more elegant.

Please, share your experiences here, on this blog. I am looking forward hearing your comments.