A Story That Is Happening Right Now To Someone I Know

.
Hello, dear friends,

Today I will start with a story. It is happening right now to someone I know and love.

A friend of mine who has been able to move past the anger she felt at her lover and at the way their relationship ended is beginning to feel good again.

No longer is she waking up hating the man's guts, no longer is she consumed by feelings of revenge...no longer are the thoughts of the past and how badly she has been treated consuming her every waking moment.

Instead, she is suddenly happy. Free again, excited about her life. She is even thinking of changing her job, as she sees new opportunities coming her way.

Read more below, after the Event Information:

School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, October 13th
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

Classes are held in Southern Marin
Please, be on time, we start promptly at 7pm
RSVP for address and directions.
email: Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

* * *
The School of Hope and Inspiration is deeply steeped in the understanding of the Mystery of Being, while at the same being deeply grounded in the common sense.
This unusual combination makes it unique and different among the various Self-Development programs.

The Tuesday night class continues, but it is closed to new participants.

Back to my story which is this week's Food for Thought.

My friend is thrilled with how she is feeling. It's been a very long time since she felt so happy. But when she shares her feelings with her fiends, she comes upon a strange reaction.

They don't believe her.
They think she is in denial and that she needs to go back and tell them how badly she feels.
"You need to vent," they tell her. "Go ahead, keep venting, don't hold back, we are here for you."

Venting. Such a charming word. A euphemism for blaming and for staying in righteous anger.

They all met for lunch the other day and this is where that conversation took place.
My friend left feeling frustrated and lost. And angry at her girlfriends, women she had know all her life.

She doesn't want to see them anymore, she is also torn...

Why am I telling you this?

Because what I have just described is not uncommon.
I have written about this in the past, but I feel it's time to talk about it some more:
"The crabs in the bucket" phenomenon.

Have you ever seen people gathering crabs on the beach? Do you know that they never put a lid on the bucket where they keep their crabs?

They don't have to.

Because as soon as the second crab is inside the bucket, one of the crabs will make sure the other one stays put by pulling it down every time it tries to get out!

Now imagine there are more than just two crabs at the bottom of this bucket. Say, now there are 5 or 10...or perhaps a whole bunch of them crawling around, bumping into each other, unable to get out.

Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can.
And they can whine and complain about how they hate people who put them there, how they hate being in the box, how unfair life is to crabs.
And guess what? They will always find a sympathetic ear as long as they are in that bucket.

And as they cry and complain, they distract themselves from what comes next: a slow and painful death.
Because they are all on the way to being cooked, aren't they?
Or sold and then separated and then - cooked?

Denial is a powerful mechanism. Even crabs are using it. Denying the fact that they have lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that bucket.

And now imagine that one of these crabs decides: enough! I can't breath in this crowded place. There is not enough light and not enough space for me to move. I will get out of here! I want my freedom back.

What do you think is going to happen as this crab begins to crawl up, muttering on its way: "Sorry guys, I love you, but...I no longer fit here."
Immediately, the remaining crabs will move together to pull it back down! "Not so fast! Who do you think you are? We are not good for you anymore?!"

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you've made friends with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, if you have joined their club and have been "happily bitching along" about how life is unfair, the boss is a jerk, how you can't trust men, or women, or anyone for that matter...what happens when you suddenly wake up?

Suddenly, you are not fun anymore.
Not only are your "friends" not interested, they mock you, they don't want to listen, they encourage you to go back to the way you were.

Why?

Because you no longer fit with them. And they will try to do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again.
Just like crabs in the bucket do. Miserable, but together.

But let us give these friends the benefit of the doubt.
Because often times, they are not bad or malicious people. They are simply people in pain. They have not yet found the way out of that prison, and they are scared of losing you.

Also, your courage to change and to lift up to a higher resonance is a reminder of what they won't deal in themselves. And so - they pull you down.

This is what is happening to my friend.
And now she has 2 choices:

Leave the friends she no longer fits with and step into the scary, unknown territory of a new life

or - go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as she was.

The former takes courage, and trusting yourself.
The latter is simpler. It does not require much, except you - giving up on yourself.

But Auriela, isn't it so cold? So unfeeling? How can you suggest that she leave her friends? They might have been there for her all her life?

My answer is this.
If they are really good friends, they will change their tune and support her in her growth. And if they won't, perhaps it is time to leave them behind.

Is it cold and unfeeling? Hardly.
There will be sadness, there will be grieving and there will be loss... . And she will feel what comes for her - and she will let it go.

She may be alone for a while. There are no guarantees in life.

Keeping these old friends that keep pulling her down comes with a price. Too high a price, in my opinion.
That price is self-abandonment.

Is it worth paying?
You tell me.

Here is the quote I love:

"There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free." Lazaris.

Breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted...
It is much safer in the bucket. "It may be Auschwitz, but it's home."

Would anyone want to leave security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Sometimes - more than other times. Still they acted!
They went ahead even when they didn't have all the answers. And they have built the lives they dreamed about, blazing their trial for the rest of us.

They forged their own course and in the process - found themselves.

And the moral?

You are not here to get everyone's approval, nor are you here to be liked by everyone.

What are you here for?
The answer is yours to find.

I will give you a hint: You are here to find happiness, to create it for yourself, consciously. You are here to learn how to have fun! And to live the most amazing and joyous life..

A life-long journey. The most unselfish and loving thing you can do.
How come? Think about it.
This is this week's food for thought.


All for now.

See some of you on Tuesday night!

Much love to you, always.
And remember: NEVER EVER give up Hope!

Auriela.

P.S. Please, follow your intuition and if it feels right,
forward this to your friends or your family members.

P.P.S. If you don't live in the San Francisco Bay Area, stay with us through these emails and keep sending me your questions.
.

What You Can Do to Become More Aware of Your Personal Power

This week's radio show covers:

Being happy, at peace, fulfilled is a skill.
Work on developing it every day.

Click here to Listen

Become conscious of the field of fear around our country right now
Then - make a conscious choice: I will NOT contribute to the field of fear,
Instead I will help lift it by making a choice to stay positive, no matter what.

A few Tools for the current times:

End blame as a knee-jerk response to difficult feelings.
“Feeling the fear makes it dissipate and lift.
Not feeling the fear and instead looking for who you can blame keeps you stuck.”
Begin each day with this question: “Am I going to be powerful or am I going to blame today?
and then - make the choice to be positive, optimistic and happy.

What you give your attention to – is what you attract.
Ask yourself during the day:
“What am I giving my attention to right now?” Make sure your attention is on the positive outcome.

Become Hopeful. This too is a skill you work on every day.
An Antidote to all negative emotions is Gratitude.

Focus on feeling grateful and you will attract more things to be grateful for.

Happy People are Happy for No Reason.

Interview with Marci Shimoff, author of international best-seller Happy for No Reason.

Click here to listen to:

Happy People are Happy for No Reason

- ”The most important question to ask: “Is this a friendly Universe?”
Albert Einstein
- What is the “happiness set point?”
- becoming aware that to be happy (or to be unhappy) is a fundamental
choice everyone makes on the Soul level
- what do people who are unconditionally happy have in common?
- what you can do every day to turn the “switch” from unhappy to happy

How Do We Write the Scripts of our Life. Part Two.

Your thoughts and feelings and how they affect your happiness
every minute of the day.

.

If you want to be happy – be around those who already are.

Are you familiar with the “crabs in the box” phenomenon?

Don’t know what I am talking about? Here it is.

If you’ve ever watched people looking for crabs on the beach, you might have noticed that they never have a lid on the box into which they put the crabs they find. They don’t need to. Once the second crab gets put into the box, there is no way either one of them can escape. Because as soon as one crab starts climbing out, the remaining crab will pull it down.

No matter how many crabs are eventually sharing the same box, each one of them is now destined to stay put: the other crabs simply won’t let it crawl out.

Now if only people would observe the crabs and make the obvious conclusions!
What’s happening to the crabs captured in the box? They are now stuck there, aren’t they?
Is it a happy place? Is this where they want to stay?
Well, you may say, they have company, they are no longer alone, they belong, they can make friends, share their stories...

Yes they can. And they can whine about how they hate being in the box, for example, and always find a sympathetic ear…
And they can try to forget about what the natural outcome of being in that box is: They are all on the way to being cooked, aren’t they? Or sold and then be separated and then - cooked?
They have already lost their freedom as soon as they found themselves in that box.

The crab metaphor is obvious.

If you’ve been hanging out with people who like to bitch about everything and everyone, have joined their club and have been “happily bitching along” about how your life sucks, the government is rotten, life is unfair, the boss is a jerk…what happens if you suddenly wake up one day?

Let’s say you realize: that’s enough! I am going to do something about my life, I am going to stop this crazy complaining, feeling like a victim, blaming others for my failures…I will take action, do something to get out of this!
Excited and filled with enthusiasm you go to your friends and share your newly found enthusiasm…

What happens then? You are suddenly not fun anymore, are you? Not only are your “friends” not interested, they ridicule you, mock you, don’t want to listen…You no longer fit the company do you? And they will do everything they can to bring you down to be your old miserable self again. Just like crabs in the box do. Miserable, but together.

And now you have 2 choices: (Thank God, you are a human, not a crab.) You can leave your friends and step into the scary, unknown territory of a different life, or you can go back and keep the so-called friends and continue as you were.
The former needs courage, the latter is simpler, it does not require much, except giving up on yourself and on any hope to have a better life.

Which one will it be?

Where will you be 5 years from now having made the courageous choice to get out of the box and then – having acted upon it?

And where will you still be if you have not?

Here is the quote I love:

“There are always risks in freedom. The only risk in bondage is breaking free.” Lazaris.

While you were sitting in the box, you have already lost your freedom without even realizing it. You’ve voluntarily traded your freedom for the “security” of belonging to a group, no longer being alone…You may be miserable, you may hate yourself and your life, but – you have company. And all of you are “happily” miserable together.

One crucial thing to remember: we must always re-evaluate our freedom.

What looked like a good choice, and felt like freedom yesterday, might have become prison today. A teenager picking up drugs, rebelling against adults and feeling a rush of freedom becomes enslaved by the addiction and is anything but free. And if he or she joins a gang, the exhilaration of belonging is at first overwhelming. Getting out of the gang in the future is another matter all together, isn’t it? Not that easy, and not that simple.

But let’s say you have really decided to break free from that box, leave the crabs that you’ve made friends with and walk away…
Let’s say you are not a crab, but a person, and they can’t hold you back against your will.

How strong is your will? Because breaking free can be really scary.

There are no guarantees you will ever make new friends, that your new life will work, that you will get what you wanted…
It is much safer in the box. “It may be Auschwitz, but it’s home.”

So who would want to leave this security for the dangerous, unknown terrain of freedom?

Just look around you. Think of the people you admire most. Every one of them has done it. And every one of them has been afraid at times. Some times – more than other times. Still they acted! It’s taking action versus talking about it and doing nothing that makes the difference.

And you will begin to feel happy. Not all the time. Not a 100%. But you will start liking yourself more, and you will inspire others to break out of their own boxes.
That’s why daring to be happy is the least selfish and the most loving thing you can do.
Those who have created happiness and have become an inspiration to so many are those who dared to be free.

Which one are you?

Why Do We Resist Being Happy?

“What can we do to get happy right now?” I am often asked.

I answer the question by turning it around.
The real question we should be asking is “Why is it that we are not happy?” (if we are not.)
Because if we can answer that, then being happier becomes a real possibility.

So let’s look at it together.

Does everyone want to be happy?

A simple and obvious answer would be “Yes. Of course.”
Beware of simple answers. Beware of things that appear obvious.

Why?

Because things are seldom simple and almost always complex and what appears obvious usually is not.


There are cultures where being happy is not a desirable thing at all.

Often people are raised with the belief that “being happy equals being selfish.” Like in: “How can you be happy when there is so much suffering around?”

Another popular one is: “being happy is suspect.” Something MUST be wrong with you if you are happy, because “no one in his or her right mind is, so – I can’t really trust you…”

Or yet another one: “If you are happy, you must be stupid,” like “only stupid people can be happy. Just look at the state of the world…”

The one I experienced on my own skin while living in The Soviet Union was “If you are happy you are not deep.”
Who wants to be considered “not deep?” (like it superficial, boring, naive.)

And yet - Happiness is the Ultimate Human Desire.
Yes, you read it correctly. This is not an overstatement. It is the truth. Our Ultimate Desire is to be happy and to know joy.

Now imagine the internal turmoil of living with the subconscious programs that are in conflict with our ultimate desire?
Like the above mentioned guilt producing ones of “Being happy is selfish” or another equally damaging one: “being happy is stupid, superficial and untrustworthy” because: HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPY WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN IN THE WORLD AROUND YOU??!!!”

Even in America where we are supposed to want to be happy, we are often no less conflicted. The culture tells us to want it, the Declaration of Independence tells us to go for it – an yet we are still affected by the same constricting influences:
We can’t escape the guilt, the fear of being judged, the fear of not fitting in and of loosing friends, AND - the greatest fear of all - The fear of “the other shoe falling.” Meaning: as soon as everything FINALLY works well....watch out! Something horrible is bound to happen..

I am talking about the proverbial “Just when she finally had it all…”( fill in the blanks): she got cancer, or her husband got hit by a car, or the fire destroyed their home…” or any one of the unlimited negative scenarios that are just waiting around the corner ready to strike us as soon as we let our guard down and finally allow ourselves to be happy. Isn’t that what so many of the movies and books tell us?

Think about it.

You are in the movie theater watching a happy domestic scene. Things are going famously, everything is wonderful in the lives of the heroes….and you cringe. You just know – any minute now, any minute…something bad is about to happen…And guess what? Inevitably – it does! Disaster strikes.
What kind of effect this programming has on us and on our ability to trust happiness???
No wonder so many people would rather dream of being happy than actually live it.

I will leave you with this food for thought, and if you are curious, watch your thinking about happiness, analyze it, perhaps find the origin of what stops you. Question it. In most cases it will be the old conditioning. The unexamined past conditioning supported by consistent, recurring messages from everywhere – the media, people in the street, friends...

Then - begin to dismantle and discard the erroneous programs and beliefs that are still governing your life. Do it one by one. Replace them with the new ones, with the ones that work.

Being happy is the least selfish and the most loving thing you can do for yourself AND for others.

Why?

Just think about it for now. And if the answer is not obvious:), wait till the next blog.
We will look at it together.

My dear readers, please, send me your comments, let’s have a discussion here. What a fascinating subject to sink our teeth in. And if it moves you to do so, please, share this blog with your friends as well. I will appreciate it.