Pause??? But I Have So Much To Do!

.
Hello, dear friends,

Happy New Year!!!!

I know you haven't heard from me for a while.
It wasn't because I've been too busy with the Season or New Year's celebration.
For one reason or another, right in the midst of this usually very active time, I entered a very quiet phase.

It began somewhere in the middle of December and it is still going on to a degree, though I seem to be ready to come out of it.
During this time, to do anything but what was absolutely necessary - I would have had to force myself. Even writing this letter that I so love to do felt like too much effort...
Everything slowed down and stopped. I slowed down and entered a pause.
In this pause, in the depth of winter, I turned inward.

Read more about this in my Food for Thought below.

To my dear students-teachers who come to the Tuesday night classes, and to those of you who have been considering joining us for a while now, yet haven't quite made it:

This coming Tuesday, tomorrow night, we will be talking about what we will do this year. Bring your thoughts, bring your desires and your questions. This is a time of deepening. I can feel in my bones. I also know: you are ready.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM
Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin
Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com

I appreciate if everyone RSVPs, so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Food for Thought

Not much can be "accomplished" during the time of pause.
I put the word accomplished in quotation marks because in our culture, the word stands for tangible results. "Show me the money." "What have you 'done?' "

Not many people realize that any true achievements and accomplishment always start within.

Internal change precedes external results.
Choice always precedes action.
Forgiveness always precedes change. Never the other way around.

I don't have the tangible results of my time of pause.
I don't have more pages and pages of my new book written.
Not yet.

I attempted writing my weekly letter to you, several times, but nothing came out. It was the same with the book I had been writing, that had until then been so wonderfully all consuming.
I only had one or two bursts of creativity during that entire time...

No, this was not "a writer's block." I don't believe in writer's blocks.
To me, what people call "writer's blocks" are usually either self-pity or a time when you are simply not inspired, you can't find your creativity.

The answer to both is - to write anyway.
Because as you do, you will break through this state. You will step out of self-pity ( if this was the case,) and even if it wasn't, you will find your voice again, the creative juices will start flowing even if the first number of pages you write is only good for the waste basket.

You will break through. Then you can just discard these pages with gratitude and a chuckle. How often, since I had begun writing have I been grateful for the "delete" button on my own key boardJ!

So why didn't I follow my own advice and write then?

Because it was not what was going on with me.
I haven't been "blocked", nor was I sorry for myself. Something was pulling me inward, into deep introspection, into a deep pause.

And I honored it.
I honored myself in it. And frankly, I didn't have much choice in the matter.

Swimming upstream is hard. Fighting 'what is' is not just hard, it is pointless. And so I embraced it. I gave myself permission to flow with it, however long it took.

* * *

Life didn't stop of course.
I still worked with my private clients, I still taught on Tuesday nights at my School of Hope and Inspiration.
To show you how elegant life is, doing these things had not been an effort at all, but a pleasure and fun as it has always been.

A paradox, it seems, but something I could understand, because once I was working with people, the 'me' that was introspective and quiet would step aside, so I could be there for others with the same caring and awareness I had been before.

I am sharing this with you for two reasons mainly.
One, because I have always been intimate with you, my readers. I don't really know how not to be this way in anything I do - in by books, in my radio, in these letters, in one-on-one interactions.

If I can't share myself and be real, I'd rather not do it at all. And also, because I think reading about my quiet time may help you when your own quiet time comes, as it always does.
So that you recognize it, don't judge it or yourself, give yourself all the time and space you need.

Sadly, we live in a culture where you don't have the permission to do this. You are supposed "to buckle up," ignore your soul's call to pause, fight yourself and work harder. Which is never a good idea, of course, because you will slow down anyway, even if it takes getting a cold or a flue or worse.

Don't do it. Instead - you, give yourself permission to honor the pause when it comes.
Don't ignore it, don't force yourself to do more than absolutely necessary. Don't "plow through it."
Do what you need to do, continue to be responsible, don't let people down and don't sabotage yourself.

And at the same time - don't miss this great opportunity for growth and healing.

When a deep slowing down happens to you, it doesn't come out of nowhere, though it may often seem so.

Consider that perhaps - it is your soul calling on you, asking you to pay attention, to trust it, and not your ego that is telling you once again that something must be wrong with you.

Consider that perhaps something is very right, and respect this time of pause as your sacred time. A time when you integrate what you've learned, a time of deepening. Trust it, even if you don't know what exactly you are "integrating" or deepening. Your soul knows. And in time, you will too.

This phase won't go on forever. It will end, and you will emerge back into the light with new insights and deeper understandings. Be patient with yourself. You want to be more self-loving? This is how to do it. Besides, none of us have ever been too successful with overpowering the soul.

How much more elegant - to listen and to give it voice rather than fight it and get yourself sick - forced to stop because you refused to listen to 'whispers,' so they turned into 'shouts?'

The soul will get your attention either way. Because it knows the truth: the only reason you are here is to grow. Grow as a human being, grow spiritually.

Pausing and going inward is an essential part of growth.

Think about it.

* * *

I will write about the New Year's resolutions and what's wrong with the whole idea in my next letter.

I am sending you all my love. Thanks for being there, in cyberspace and in my life...being able to write to you is such a gift. What magic - to click a button and send my thoughts into the ethos. And to have someone there I may never know or meet read them and be touched by them.
My heart is overflowing.

All for now.
See some of you tomorrow,

Auriela.
.

Why Forgive?

.
"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

Ask not what it will do for the perpetrator.
Ask what will it do for you.

Hello, Dear Driends,

I am writing this on the plane, flying home to San Francisco after a very short and the most fulfilling trip to New York.

My talk about the Mystery and Controversy of Forgiveness at the Reform Temple of Forest Hills was an extraordinary experience. It was a wonderful and warm group pf people, open-minded and welcoming.

I was asked excellent questions, among them - the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, what to do when the offenders do not express regret for their actions, and what it means "forgiving is for you, not for the abuser, while it is the abuser who has inflicted the pain."

I will touch upon these below, in this week's
Food for Thought.

* * *

The Holidays are upon us! I know that many of you have been continuously buying and giving The Power of the Possible to your friends and family members.

Here is what I'd like to do.
Holidays can get expensive and everything counts, especially these days.

I have a Holiday Offer available at my website, ThePowerOfThePossible.com.

Buy 2 copies of The Power of the Possible and I will include another wonderful book - Peak Vitality, with chapters from Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, John Gray, Marianne Williamson and also - yours truly:).

If you'd like me to, I will sign and inscribe each of the books to the person you are giving it. All you need to do is drop me a line after you have completed the purchase.

I am also offering a Holiday Coupon Special to my Blog and Newsletter readers.

The Award-Winning 10-CD Unabridged Audio Book of The Power of the Possible, recorded by me and normally priced at $79.95, will be available for $45.00!

Use the coupon code HOLIDAY DISCOUNT when you purchase the Audio Book 10-CD Set to receive my special holiday price of only $45.00.

This Audio Book will make a great gift for someone who spends a lot of time in the car or for anyone whose life doesn't leave them much time to snuggle with a book.

I will also include Peak Vitality with the Audio Book. By the way, the only place the Audio Book is available is my Website.

I also have a very few of the collectible books - the unedited version of The Power of the Possible, issued prior to publication. It includes a CD with the excerpts from the book, again - recorded my me.
This will be on the first come - first serve basis. I have never offered any of it to anyone. You can have it for the same price as the regular book (including the Holiday Offer.) Just to drop me a line saying that to send you this one and not the regular edition.



"Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."
- Nelson Mandela.

This week's Food for Thought are my answers to the questions I posed for you in the last letter:

1.-Why forgive?

So that you can finally find peace.

The person that is at peace with himself does not want to start wars, he doesn't want to kill, to get revenge, to prove himself right...

When you are at peace with yourself - you accept yourself, you don't try to be perfect (which it impossible and so you always fail at it.) You accept other people, you are able to set proper boundaries, you are much more capable to help others...

Do you want to do good in the world?
Do you want to be loving and kind and giving to your family and loved ones?
Do you want to not be judgmental and to be compassionate instead?

- Become a forgiving person.

Otherwise, regardless of your very best intentions - you will continue to snap, or loose your temper, or be hurtful, or punish by pouting and withdrawing into silences, or whatever else it is you do. (Not sure? - Ask the ones who love you and put up with it. They will tell you, if you promise not to argue back and not to punish.)

- Become a forgiving person.

Do it for YOURSELF, so you can begin to live free from pain - and if this is not enough of a motivation - do it for the ones you love. How much more will you be able to give to them! How much better you will be able to love them!

Think about it.

Imagine a world populated by people who have found peace through forgiveness and through self-forgiveness? What a different world it would be.

And it doesn't mean you are now to take the ones you forgave back into your life. Not at all. Not unless you want to.

Forgiveness does NOT mean Reconciliation. You forgive pragmatically. For yourself. It does not take away their responsibility and accountability. But it is no longer your business.

Let the proper authorities deal with it, if it applies. As for you - you are setting yourself free from all that happened.

Nelson Mandela's words ring so true: "Revenge is the poison you drink hoping that it will kill you enemies."

Stop drinking it. It is killing YOU.

2.-Who deserves forgiveness, and when do they deserve it?

It is not about 'deserving' or 'not deserving, nor about 'when' do they deserve it.

Who deserves forgiveness? YOU do! If you were hurt or abused - do you now deserve to live with this pain forever????

You are the one who has all the power. You have the POWER TO FORGIVE! No one can give it to you and no one can take it away.

Discover it! Use it to set yourself free.

This is also true if you are the perpetrator of someone else's pain and if the person you need to forgive is yourself.
Read answer to question #1.

And if you want to make sure you never do anything like that again, the only way to ensure it is to forgive yourself for it.

Not easy, I know.

But possible. Absolutely possible.

The Forgiveness Meditations I have on the Home page of my website ( center page, to the right) work! Download them. They are my gift to you. Just like I once received them as a gift. Use them. They do work!!!!

3.-Is forgiveness for the victim or for the perpetrator?

For the victim! Of course for the victim. If the perpetrators are changed by your forgiveness of them - good. But their crime is between them and their conscience. Between them and God.

Don't wait for an apology to become free. If the apology comes - good, if it doesn't - are you going to give THEM the Power to set you free?

What if they don't care? What if they are dead?...Do you see how absurd it can get?

4.-Which (if any) conditions must be met before we can forgive?

None. Read the answer above.

Develop the awareness and the understanding of why you need to do it. That's all. Read this letter a few times, on different days perhaps, and - let it in.

5.-Is there a crime that is "unforgivable"?

In truth - not. But there are things we as society and individually have deemed to be beyond forgiveness. It is a long and painful list - murder, cruelty to children, incest, genocide, rape...I do not need to finish the list. It is endless. And yet - here lies the Paradox of Forgiveness.

Even these crimes must be forgiven if we are to stop them from happening and - if we are ever to be free from that pain.

But how? you ask. I wrote about it so much...on pp.119 to 126 in The Power of the Possible. You are going to have to read it, again or for the first time, if you want to understand this deeper. I really can't go into more in the format of this letter.

6.-Do only people who have met the conditions deserve forgiveness?

See the answers above.

7.-How do you forgive yourself when you don't believe you deserve forgiveness?

Tell yourself the truth about what you did and let yourself feel what comes. Not your self-hate, but your remorse. This takes courage and strength. If you let yourself - you will know the difference. Why should you? Read answer #1.

8.-Why is remorse often the hardest thing to feel?

It is much easier to judge yourself as unworthy. You've done it most of your life. Everyone has. And - it is too scary to honestly look at yourself. You are too afraid you will discover something ugly. Amazingly, what you will discover if you stay with your feelings and don't cut them off, is how beautiful and human you actually are. This alone is worth giving it a try!

9.-Is forgiveness an act of will? A choice? Or is it Divine Grace?

It is all of the above.

You have to be willing to end the pain, make the choice to do it, and take the steps to forgive.

And with it -
the Ultimate Forgiveness can only be received. It is one of the greatest mysteries and will always remain that. Forgiveness is a gift, the Diving Grace. You must to your part. Then - you will receive it. A sacred gift, it will change your forever.

If this touches you - you can read more on p.124 of The Power of the Possible.

10. - Why no change is possible without forgiveness happening first?

If you've tried changing your behavior patterns or your life without forgiving what had brought you to being this way in the first place, you have no doubt discovered that simply making a decision to be different was not enough.

Forgiveness always precedes all change.
Change is the by-product of forgiveness. Forgive, and your life will change. Forgive - and you will begin to see everything through different eyes, truer eyes. Forgive - and reap the bounty. Don't' forgive, fight for your right 'to be right' - and nothing will change. Both you and your life will remain the same

You are a being with free will. As am I, and as is everyone else on this planet.

To forgive or not to forgive?
The choice is yours. Choose freedom!


All for now.
See some of you on Tuesday the 18th.

Much love to you, always.
Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.

P.S. If it feels right, and you enjoy reading my blog, please, share it with your friends and family.
Don't do it to change them, just to share.
.

"Love Means Never Having to Say You are Sorry?????"

.
"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy

"Love means never having to say you are sorry?????"

Hello, dear friends,

A few announcements first.

For those of you living in New York City or close by.

Please, join me on Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 10:00am at The Reform Temple of Forest Hills, New York. I will be speaking at their Life-Long Learning Annual Brunch. The topic I chose will not surprise you:

Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds, Forgiveness Will.
The Controversy and Mystery of Forgiveness.
Here are the details:

The Reform Temple of Forest Hills
71-11 112th St Forest Hills, NY 11375
(718) 261--2900; www.rtfh.org
Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 10:00AM

It would be great if you could make it!
If so, call them for reservations. The event is free, donations are appreciated, and everyone is welcome. If you do come, make sure you come over and say hello.

For those living in Sonoma County, (North of the Bay Area) mark your calendars for December 17th, 2009 at 7:30 pm.

I will be speaking at Many Rivers Books and Tea in Sebastopol. The topic? ....Forgiveness.
Yes - again.
I don't think we can ever speak enough about it. More - in The Food for Thought below.

Many Rivers Books & Tea
130 S. Main Street, Suite 101
Sebastopol, CA 95472
(707) 829-8871
www.manyriversbooks.com
December 17th, 2009 at 7:30 pm.

Today's Food for Thought.

Both in my life and in my work, I come across so many misconceptions around forgiveness.

Think about the famous line from the book and the movie
"Love Story." "Love means never having to say you are sorry."

I can't even begin to imagine what it means.... How many times have I heard it quoted?!

Why? Because is sounds romantic? Does it?

First of all - it is simply not true.
Loving means (among other things) being responsible to the person you love, and so - if indeed you did something you regret, something hurtful and wrong, you need to feel it and then - to say you are sorry - genuinely. It is the least you can do.

Saying you are sorry and - being forgiven, however, are two very different things.

As is - saying you are sorry and - forgiving yourself for what you did.

To forgive yourself - you have to know what you are forgiving. In other words, feel remorse for your actions. Otherwise, what is there to forgive if you don't really regret it?

If all you are doing is - saying the words, you will never feel forgiven. Even if the other person forgives you.

And yet - feeling remorse remains one of the hardest things to feel.

Self-hate is easy. Self- recrimination? No problem. Self-judgment - easy again. You've done it all your life.

But remorse?

To let yourself really feel the sadness of having done something you cannot undo? Quite another story, isn't it? And there is no circumventing it. No short-cuts way to get to the other side.

"But, Auriela, why should I even bother, if it is so hard?"

Where to begin to answer that?

Let's look at another line that is thrown about so much these days: "Just love yourself." Or: "I am just going to love myself."
Meaning - if you want to have love work in your life, you must learn to love yourself.

Which is correct. This IS the truth. Except, as many have discovered, it's easier said than done.

Because unless you are able to forgive yourself for the things you've pushed under the rug and pretended to have forgotten - loving yourself simply won't happen.

Life is about growth, whether we like it or not. That's why we have no short-cuts to avoid feeling remorse.

Just the other day a friend shared with me something that may or may not surprise you. A couple of months ago she ended a relationship with a man after she had discovered a rather ugly betrayal. (An oxymoron, I know.)

She has been working with healing the pain and regaining herself and she is making beautiful progress. She is ready to look at forgiving herself and forgiving him for what had happened between them, so she can begin to let go and to allow deeper healing.

But her friends are up in arms. "Forgive him???!!! Are you crazy? You should never ever forgive that bastard!..."

We spent a good hour or more on the phone today just talking about it.

The "Crabs in the box" phenomenon, yet again. Remember that one?

I wrote about it here not that long ago. If you haven't read it, you can find it in my blog, just go back to earlier posts. It's worth it.

Her friends' reaction is a good illustration of the lack of understanding around forgiveness. That's why I am calling my talk : The controversy of forgiveness.

Here is something I want you to think about - to ask yourself and to answer.

Take the time, please. Don't rush even if the answers appear obvious, and especially if they are not. The better and deeper you can explain your answers to yourself the clearer you are going to be.

-Why forgive?
-Who deserves forgiveness, and when do they deserve it?
-Which (if any) conditions must be met before we can forgive?
-Do only people who have met the conditions deserve forgiveness?
-Is forgiveness for the victim or for the perpetrator?
-Is there a crime that is "unforgivable"?
-How do you forgive yourself when you don't believe you deserve forgiveness?
-Why is remorse often the hardest thing to feel?
-Is forgiveness an act of will? A choice? Or is it Divine Grace?

And finally: Why no change is possible without forgiveness happening first?

The last question is my invitation to think and to imagine:
What life would you be living if your past didn't hold you back?

Not sure abut the answers?

I have written about this so much in The Power of the Possible. It is on pp. 96-98, 98-101, it is in the chapter
To Stay or To Leave, Forgiving the Unforgivable - pretty much through the entire chapter, especially from pp.115 -126, and you haven't read this chapter before, read the whole thing, you will do yourself a disservice by reading just these pages.
Also on p. 231 and on, in the chapter When Love Is Not Enough, where I explain remorse and why it is one of the hardest things to feel.

Read these passages, even if you have read them already. Your will read them with different eyes this time because you have grown and you have changed and your ability to understand has deepened.

It is always like that, with any book. That's why we experience them differently at different times. It is not the book that changes with time, but you.

* * *

On another subject: So many of you responded to my request in the last letter and sent me your lists of qualities you are grateful for in yourselves! THANK YOU! You have inspired me so much! An I know - you have inspired yourselves!!!

If space permits, I will share some of your responses in the next letter.

All for now.

Hope to see some of you on Sunday in New York!
And of course, - here in Marin, tomorrow night.


Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.
.

It's Not The Old Age That Ages You!

.
"- We are not here to save anyone. We are here to love. To heal ourselves and to hold the light for others. And then the light will point the way."
- Auriela McCarthy


Hello, dear friends,

Another week has gone by...
In 8 days we will be celebrating Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday!

Isn't it wonderful that in this country, we have a national holiday designated to feeling grateful.
What a fabulous tradition!

And once again I am overwhelmed with gratitude for you, my readers and listeners... and I am deeply humbled. With all the available sources of information that are competing for your time and attention, you choose to read my Food for Thought emails and to listen to my radio shows, and so many of you do it regularly...when I let it in, I am close to tears.

You might have noticed that I haven't put up any new radio shows for a couple of weeks now. Here is why.

Webtalkradio.net has invested a lot of money into completely redoing their website. The new one will be fabulous and will be up and running very shortly.
So here is something you might be interested in.

If you have a business that can use consistent national and international exposure to targeted audience, I am now able to offer you something amazing.

Around 30,000 plus people are downloading my show every week, consistently, for a very long time. Think about it. 30,000 people or more. (!)
These are not random listeners, who are in their car when the show is on. These are the people who consciously take time every week to listen and to re-listen to the show.

That means they WILL hear about your business if we tell them about it.

Internet radio advertising is ridiculously inexpensive in comparison to broadcast radio. If you want to advertise on my show, I can do it for you starting with $50 a week (!) yes, you read it correctly.

$50 to $100, to $200-300 a week tops, depending on the options. But even with $50 you get a lot! A consistent exposure to an audience that is growing all the time, who often forwards the podcasts to their friends.
Another the beautiful thing is that once the show is recorded, the information about you and your service remains there! Whether you still have a contract or not. Your banner, your logo, your voice or mine, telling them about your business...

I can take 3 or 4 advertisers, no more. I also need to do it, because the cost of running the show without advertisers has become too high.

If you are interested, send me a quick email and I will send you all the details. Then you can decide if it makes good business sense for you or not.

A School of Hope and Inspiration

Today, Tuesday November 17, 2009
Gathering: 6:30PM -7PM Class: 7PM - 9:30PM

RSVP for address and directions.
Classes are held in Southern Marin
email Auriela@AurielaMcCarthy.com
I appreciate if everyone RSVPs,
so I know how many seats we need.
Please, be on time, we will start promptly at 7pm

Here is this week's Food for Thought.

Back to Thanksgiving.

What better time to be talking about Gratitude - my favorite subject?

Yet something else is coming through, and when it happens, I listen.
So here it is.

The holiday season is upon us, and with it - for many - the dreaded "obligation" of having to be around someone you've been successfully avoiding all year.
In other words - having to see people with whom you still have "unfinished business." Unfinished emotionally.

You are still hurt or angry or resentful about what happened between you in the past and this past is still very much alive in you. You have not let it go.

This unfinished business is not something benign. And therefore not something you can continue to ignore. Because it is draining your energy.

Here is how it works.

As long as you have strong feelings about a person: feel they have hurt you, are angry at them or hate them, "can't stand them", etc. etc. you remain energetically connected to them.
There are invisible cords that are holding the two of you together, the cords that stretch indefinitely, because when it comes to energy, distance and time lose their meaning.

As long as you keep these feelings alive, the cords between you are alive a well.

Why should you worry about the stupid cords that you can't even see?

For starters, because they cause you to lose your energy.

Thank God you have been born with a lot of it, otherwise you would have been depleted long ago.
But you are leaking it, energy that is - your life force. The force with which you build your life, create your dreams, make things happen...

Why do you think kids have so much energy? Adolescents as well? They haven't yet leaked enough of it out.
It is a myth that we have less energy because of age.

We have less energy because of age-old resentments.

Haven't you seen some amazingly beautiful, radiant older people, who are simply bursting with life? They seem so free, and so wise. And in their wisdom - so innocent. How did they get there? What's their secret?

They have let go of their painful past.
In one lump sum, or piece by piece.

One way or another, through innate wisdom or inner work - they have been able to let the past be the past.

They have set it down by the side of the road and - walked away.

They stopped carrying it on their back. That's why they are not bent like so many other people their age. They have amazing posture, and - they laugh a lot. So old - and yet, having so much fun? How totally against everything you have been taught to believe...

Because it is not old age that break's your back. It is age-old resentments that do it.
And - your resistance to letting them go.

I know you've heard all this before. Too many times. So many, that you have stopped hearing the truth behind these words.

The truth is: You are the one with the key to your prison. Not the person who hurt you. But - you.

Is it worth it to lose your life to whatever happened a long time ago?
Is it worth it to keep leaking and leaking your energy?
Until you've lost so much of it, it's past the point of no return?

Of course not.

Listen.

There is so much wonder that lies ahead! So many new possibilities!
Let these holidays be the time you start fresh.

Release all the people that caused you pain, whether they are alive or dead.
And release yourself from the pain of what you've deemed "unforgivable" in you.

Say: Enough.
Make that choice.

Like one incredible woman who had survived Auschwitz said:
"Hitler got 4 years of my life. I am not giving him one more day!"

If she could do it, so can anyone. Including you!

"But Auriela, you don't know what happened to me...besides I already tried to let go...and it didn't work."

Sorry, but I am not buying it.
Are you?

You might have tried, but you have never really made the choice to be done.

Come on, it's just you and the computer page. No one is listening. Not even I, the one who wrote that page. Right here, right now - tell yourself the truth.
And then - forgive yourself for keeping yourself prisoner to that past.
Forgive yourself for wanting vindication, or apology or whatever else it would be really nice to get...

You don't need it. Not really. Your ego does, but not you. What you need is your freedom. So give it to yourself - and be surprised:

It is not just possible to let go and move on, it may turn out to be easier than you can imagine.

If you read The Power of the Possible, remember the Chapter: The Son Who Forgave His Father? Or the Chapter: The Wife of an Alcoholic? These are true stories, of people like you and me.

Let their lives be your inspiration. Read these Chapters again, even if you have read them already. Read them with new eyes. They may change your life.

Watch my video on forgiveness on YouTube, download the 2 forgiveness meditations from the Home page of my website - and do them. (all the links are below.) They work! I have endless testimonials from people whose lives were changed by them.


It is a choice: To hold on to the past or - to drop it.
Holding on comes with a lot of juicy stuff: you can keep blaming, you can keep "being right" you can keep explaining away your unhappiness...
The juicy stuff is poison. Throw it out.

Don't wait for the New Year and another set of New Year's Resolutions...
Right here, right now - let this Thanksgiving be your New Beginning.
Celebrate yourself and your Power to Choose! You were born with it, even if you didn't always know it.
You do now. Contemplate this miracle. Let it fill you with Wonder!

All for now.
See some of you today, Tuesday the 17th.

Much love to you, always.

Remember: never ever give up hope!
Auriela.
.

2 Ways To Live A Life & New Wednesday Class

.
Here is this week's Food for Thought as well what to expect from the new Wednesday Evenings.

These are two of my favorite quotes. Both are by Einstein:

"There are 2 ways to live a life.
One, as if nothing is a miracle, and another - as if everything is a miracle."

And

"You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.
You must learn to see the world anew."

Think back on these words as you read this letter.

I won't be telling you anything new if I say that we are living at a time of change.

The visible change may feel exciting or disconcerting, frightening or hopeful, depending on your point of view.

This is not the change I am talking about.

Listen.

Something amazing and grand that has never happened in the history of humanity is also happening right now, and if you are not yet aware of it, it is simply because you are in the midst of it.
You are so much a part of it that you don't notice.

I want you to notice.

What I am talking about is a change in Consciousness.
People everywhere are waking up as if from a deep sleep.
Re-evaluating everything, asking questions they never did before.
Going through a profound change in their value system.

Let me quote Michael Beckwith, speaking on Oprah, saying the same thing:

"People want to know about their purpose, why are they here on the planet?
It's the question that won't go away, because the answer reveals that we are here to wake up, to discover our true nature - our gifts, talents and capacities - and to express them. That's why we're here."

For this, you need to be able "to see the world anew."
Einstein knew this decades and decades and decades ago.
He was, afer all - Albert Einstein:).

Did he also know that the time would come when seeing the world anew would become imperative?

"But Auriela, here you go again. Can't I just 'be,' please?
I have enough on my plate as it is..."

In a word, No.

You can't just be. You could - in the past.
Not anymore.

So you can drag along kicking and screaming or - you can have fun with it!

Because it is already happening!

Think back a few years.
Notice the difference between then and now.

What once had been so "out there," and "weird" has become main stream thinking.

Here are but a few examples:

People talk about beliefs and the need to change them in the most mundane way...
People talk about The Law of Attraction fully expecting you to understand.
They talk about thinking positively and about focusing on gratitude...

They talk about forgiveness they way they never did before.
"Normal" people, not people like me who have been talking about it for decades.

No longer are we weird, "too much," too "New Age"...
These day I am asked to explain these concepts in depth on the radio.

The same people that used to laugh at the idea of creating their own reality,
are now accepting it, saying things like "there is no such thing as an accident..."

Yes, something very different is going on.
Something as monumental as an Awakening of Consciousness.
And it is sweeping the planet and reaching everyone.

Suddenly the person you'd least expect is saying to you: "just give it over to the Universe," and you do a double-take. Did you hear correctly? You did. Not only did he say it, he said it matter-of-factly.

You also notice that you are wanting more from your life.
Caring about things you didn't think "you had time for" before.

You are reaching for meaning, for purpose, for Self-Discovery.
You know that your relationship with YOU is what will determine
how happy, how successful and how much love you will have in your life.
Regardless of how it "appears" to everyone else.

Think about it.
This is very new. Not new for "seekers." They have existed throughout history.
Philosophers, monks, metaphysicians ...A handful of them, really.

But the "regular guys and gals" who are busy working, raising kids, paying bills, mortgages, insurances, caring for the aging parents. Those who "had no time" to look inward - now find the time.

This is change at your very core.

A fundamental change in your values.

You have no measuring devices to quantify the extent of it.
You couldn't see the exact moment it had begun. Such is the mystery of change.
All you can see is the result of it.

And right now, all of us, every human being on earth is experiencing this change.
Compelled to wake up. Compelled to become more.
It is a continuous process, far from complete, taking place at this very moment.

Where can this change take us?
To the most incredible, positive, fantastic, beyond imagination, fabulous future.

Did I scare you?

Worry not. It's a gradual process. Gradual precisely because it is so frightening.

How can a great future be frightening?

Easily. Haven't you heard about "the devil you know"...that is better than the one you don't know?

Change can be frightening because the Unknown is frightening.
The Chaos that accompanies change is frightening. The uncertainty of it.

But frightening or not - you cannot stop it.
You cannot control it. Not you, not me, not anyone.

Not this change.

Imagine a huge wave coming at you as you are swimming in the ocean.
If you fight it, it will just crash you, if you try to swim away from it, it will catch up with you in no time.
The only way for you to make it - is to ride it!

Except:
You can't ride this wave while also pulling your old baggage behind you.
The wave will break it apart.
And if you don't let go, it will destroy you as well.

For anything New to be created something Old has to be destroyed.
It's a non-negotiable Law of how things work in our reality.
Think about it and you will find plenty of examples.

Here are some:

-For forgiveness to be real, the old hatred has to die.
-For a child to be born, the pregnancy must end.
-For the new leaves to come out in spring, the old leaves must shrivel and fall off.
-For you to be happy, your addiction to being sorry for yourself must go.
-For you to be successful, your desire to punish your parents or your ex by showing them how they messed up your life must die...

If you want to keep the old baggage, you can't make the change to the New World.

Is such high price worth paying?

And what's so precious in this baggage anyway?

Your old hurts and disappointments?
Suffering and struggle?
Painful memories and righteousness?
Your addiction to blame?
Your sorrows? Your rage...?

The past is receding. Losing its potency. It takes more and more of your energy to work at keeping it alive.
The energy you can use to create an amazing future.

I want to show you the steps, so you can do it safely.

The pain can end.

It can be healed. And then - left behind.
The past can be forgiven and then - let go of.

Many have done it. You can too.
I know it because I've been there.
If I hadn't healed so much of the pain, I would not be here to write this letter.
I would have no right to write it.

Listen.
There is a Future waiting for you that will blow your mind!
With miracles, small and large, that will astound you and make you weep.
But you have to be willing to have them.
And you have to be here to experience them.

The old is dying. And with it - the old ways.
The old ways of being, of solving problems, of dealing with life.

They don't work anymore.
Or haven't you noticed it already?

I opened the School for you.
For people like you who are ready for the Next Step.
Who are ready to uncover the Mystery. The Mystery of You.
And with it, The Mystery of Life and The Mystery of Each Other.

I also opened the School for myself. I was responding to my Soul's call.
Doing this work feeds my Soul beyond anything I can say.
Being there for your "aha" moments. Seeing your eyes after a meditation.
Seeing the light that hasn't been there before.
The light that stays!

It is Your light, and it scares you more than your darkness.
Yet, you go for it anyway!
This takes my breath away.

I opened the School of Hope and Inspiration for those of you, ready to say YES to life.
Ready to embrace your Power, and to stop pretending that you don't have it.

If this speaks to you, then come. Follow your gut, come and have the experience.

What happens at the School?
It's different very time. Because it is tailor-made for you.

The result?

-Your life will become more and more magical.

-Your spirituality will sparkle and you won't question it.

-Your successes will be brighter and more fulfilling.

-Your happiness will be more real.

-You will learn to love better and you'll bring more love into your life.

-Your trust in yourself will heal.

-You will learn to consciously create miracles (oh, yes.)

-You will build back what you've lost of yourself through the living of your life.

-You will stop holding yourself back.

-You will uncover the Secrets of Yourself that have been waiting for you, hidden in plain sight all of your life...

And you will make the transition we are all going through gracefully, elegantly, with ease.

And if you are still reading this long letter,
then I have definitely written it for you.

My Tuesday night students - see you on the 15th!
My new students, I look forward to meeting you in person on Wednesday, the 16.

Take a chance, take a plunge. What have you got to lose?
How else will know if the fit is right or not?

To my out-of-town readers:
I am incredibly sorry for the delay with the teleclasses.
It looks like by the end of September we should be ready to start.
Stay tuned.

All for now,

With Love and Hope,
Auriela.

P.S. Follow your intuition and if it feels right,
forward this to your friends or your family members.

P.P.S. If you don't live in the San Francisco Bay Area, stay with us through these emails and keep sending me your questions.
I am planning to do this work via Internet at some point.
I will of course let you know when it happens.

Responding to Listeners’ Questions

.
Responding to listeners’ questions:

Click here to listen to this week’s show:
The Politics of Sex in Relationships;
Dealing with Infidelity;
A Mother’s Difficulty in Forgiving
Herself for Leaving Her Children.

-”we are in a monogamous relationship, isn’t sex “owed’ to each other?”
-looking at the bigger picture
-does “give and take” have a place in a relationship or marriage?
--when do you know you are with the wrong person?

-the fragility of trust
-listening to your own voice, shutting down all other voices
-can broken trust be rebuilt
-trusting yourself to know if you can trust another

-can leaving your children be forgiven?
-when is leaving your children the right thing to do?
-accepting yourself, accepting your adult children's choices
-stepping back, becoming an inspiration
.

Before Enlightenment, Chop Wood, Carry Water. After Enlightenment – Chop Wood, Carry Water.

It is good to come back to this ancient wisdom now and then, especially at times of a deep transformational experience, like the one so many had yesterday, on The International Day of Forgiveness, as they responded to the call and entered the deep inner world of guided meditations: Forgiving themselves and forgiving others – the ones they didn't think they could ever forgive.

The response to the meditations I created had been overwhelming! Beyond anything I could expect. Your emails continue to pour in. I am so very touched by the response. Thank you! Even through the night people from different time zones continued to download the meditations. I will keep them on for a while. Same with the Video, but not forever, so if you haven't yet downloaded them, now may be the time.
If you missed yesterday, don’t worry. Go to my website and download the meditations. They will be yours to use whenever you feel guided to do so.

So many people have told me that they would like to forgive but don’t know how. This is how: download the meditations, close the door, unplug the phone, dim the light, click on the meditation and close your eyes. The Force of Forgiveness will do the rest!

My husband and I did the meditations as well yesterday morning...After the second one I felt I needed to go to bed. I did. And I promptly fell asleep!. It was 12pm in California, I had a good night’s sleep and I didn’t feel I had a lot left to forgive:)...Right! Then why did I feel so tired suddenly? Because you can always go deeper, always lift out of more “stuff.” The stuff we gather while living our lives. It’s good to clean up. And as we do that, often there is a need to rest, to integrate the healing, the allow the physical body to catch up. A healing and restful sleep is a great way to do it!

So many of you have written to me with your heart-felt sharings. Thank you! I feel deeply honored.
What an amazing gift we give to ourselves when we forgive!
For me, yesterday ended on an incredibly high note. I spent an evening at the Forgiveness Day Celebration and heard the incredible stories of the true champions of forgiveness once again. I had the great fortune to interview 3 of these amazing women – Eva Korr, Julies Chimes and Jamie Karroll on my radio show on www.webtalkradio.com. If you haven’t heard them, go and listen. Their spirit will inspire you beyond anything I can say here.

To quote Eva Korr: “Forgiveness is the best medicine. It is free. It has no side effects, and it works!”


Expect things to be different now. Perhaps, dramatically different, or – more likely – subtly so. The change you experienced was real, but if you expect the results to “knock you over the head” you stand the risk of disappointment. Let the change show itself in the way that is natural and organic. You will begin to notice how differently you react to things. How in the situations that used to drive you crazy, you now remain calm and neutral, unaffected by what in the past would have set you off. Pay attention and congratulate yourself when this happens. Own your power, own your success!

And also - be kind to yourself and don't expect to have done the forgiveness “perfectly.”
This is the ego’s favorite trap. Don’t fall for it. Recognize it for what it is and – don’t go there. Consciously refuse to listen to that voice in your head.

What voice?
The one that always lies. The one that leads you down the wrong path every time. The one that has destroyed so many of your successes and made sure you don’t get what you want, and if you do – never really enjoy it. That one.

And if you don't know what I am talking about, here is an example.

“You have just forgiven your father, didn’t you? How come you are seething with anger again, after only 10 minutes of talking to him on the phone?” “That forgiveness meditation obviously didn’t work. You shouldn't have bothered... It may work for other people but clearly not for you. Your situations is different, special.” Or: “you simply can’t do anything right, and that goes for the forgiveness as well. If you did forgive him, you wouldn’t have gotten angry again. You would not have reacted. Something is very wrong with you, and you know it...”

You get the picture.

We all have our favorite ways of putting ourselves down and undoing our achievements. And it is the voice of our negative ego that we listen to against our better knowledge, when we choose to go down that path one more time.

Do something different this time. Turn it off!

If you find yourself reacting when someone is provoking you again, catch yourself, take a deep breath, feel the anger and – let it go!. The fact that you have forgiven the past doesn't mean you are now made of stone and have no emotional body. You are human, my dear friend, not a sculpture. Cut yourself some slack. Sometimes – we forgive completely, other times – forgiveness happens in stages. It is a process, and it takes guts, will and making yourself matter.

The time will come when you will be strong enough to remove yourself from the environment and people that are toxic and cause you pain. Understanding where they come from, and what made them who they are today will make forgiving them completely more real and more attainable. As it happens – they will let go of trying to test you. They will leave your reality, for their role will be done and your lessons learned.

Because in truth, the only person who sets up those tests is you. Doubting the forgiveness, wondering if you did or did not pass the test. Take yourself off the hook!
If you can’t let go , return to the meditation and do it again. Everything is a choice! Eventually, you will get tired of this dance and drop it.

I have been so inspired by the response that I am considering creating more healing meditations for you to use. Watch my website and this blog. I will let you know.

The sales of The Power of the Possible have jumped again, and many stores have sold out of the book and are now waiting for the next delivery. But you can always buy the book from my website and also from Amazon. It is full if incredible true stories of transcendence, forgiving and happy endings:). The real life happy endings that happened to people like you and me, people who had once hit bottom, but chose to live and to love instead of drowning in their pain. The people who forgave.

I have one request: I would love for us to have a forum right here on this blog and share our experiences. Now, after the forgiveness meditations, is the perfect time. You always write to me personally, why not put your comments here and also learn what others are going through? I promise I will respond to you personally as well, ( I love getting your emails!) but it is so great to share! Who will be the first?

Forgiving and Forgetting are Not the Same.

First, one last reminder:
The World Wide Forgiveness Meditations are happening on
August 3rd, at 11 AM EST and 1 PM EST. All the details are on my website www.PowerOfThePossible.com
If you are reading this for the first time, read the 2 previous blogs as well and then on Sunday - join us!

The email invitation has been circling the globe for a while now, forwarded by so many people to so many places…The power of the internet is amazing, the power of our choice is even more so.
The Call to Forgive has its own life and its own force. Choreographed by The Power Greater than you and I, it continues to reach people it is supposed to reach. Thank you, everyone who has joined the movement and is helping to spread the message and the information. I will “see you” on August 3rd as you click your computers to join the synchronized guided meditations.

Due to the enormous response I strongly encourage you to go to my website www.PowerOfThePossible.com prior to Sunday and download the meditations to ensure you will be able to do so.

Many have emailed me with their questions. I will try to respond to some of the common threads.

“Why should I bother to forgive, when I have forgotten all of it long ago?”

“…I haven’t even thought about the past in years. Why should I open that cesspool, drag it all back up, get upset all over again just so I can now forgive…????”

Here is my response:

If this is the first thing that came to mind when you thought about who and what to forgive – it is usually correct. Because you do know. You thought about it before the old tape with its old, used up excuses and explanations had had a chance to begin playing in your mind again. So trust yourself and your knowing, and not your usual defense mechanism.

An example from my own life.

Years ago, at the time of my divorce from my first husband, I was taking a close look at all the men in my life and how they had affected it.

I met my first husband when I was 17, so there hadn’t been that many “men” to go through. One was my father. Another one - my step- father.

The step-father used to be the bane of my adolescence. I hated him with passion and when I was 19, old enough to stand up to him, I simply stopped talking to him. I hadn’t spoken to him since and by the time of my divorce the man was long dead.

Never underestimate the power of denial. I shoved the memories of my step-father so far down that I honestly could not remember a thing about what once had caused me many a sleepless night.

There is nothing to look at, I said to myself, trying to avoid “opening that cesspool” for a bit longer. But I knew better by then. And so I called my high school girlfriend who used to be around our family a lot and knew that abusive man well.
“What did he used to do?” I asked her. “Help me remember.”

She paused, thought about it and then - she quoted him. Who could ever forget his insidious, demeaning words? I did. Because I had to. So I could survive the humiliation and move on. Cutting him out of my life by refusing to speak with him was brilliant. Somehow – he backed off and left me alone. Forgetting it all for a long, long, long time worked as well. Except that unresolved memory, that anger and pain, combined with other things “men-related” and also “forgotten” had landed me in a marriage that was now falling apart, for which I was just as responsible as my soon to be ex-husband.

So did my step-father’s impact on me really end when I was 19 and had finally stopped talking to him? Or did it end for real when – after my girlfriend had helped me to remember, I – an adult woman and a mother, was finally ready to go back to that memory, feel it, understand it and – forgive?

Forgive that lost, crazy man, whose abusive mother was born in a Siberian prison. Forgive that angry, raging World War II veteran who in turn became my own domestic horror.

And so I forgave him for what he had become as a result of whatever it was that had happened to him in his past.

No, I didn’t make it OK, but it helped me let go, that’s all. And I also forgave ME - for all the doubt, all the “if only-s”, all the excuses, all the blame, all the years of looking the other way and lying to myself that I was OK.

And guess what? If you ask me now to recount what was it that I forgave him for, I still won’t remember much. Only this time – it is not out of denial. This time it is truly gone. I have long been free of all that past.

With that healing came many gifts. Improved health, deeper peace, and then – Mykaell. I met and eventually married the most incredible man. Nor perfect and not the best ever. Just the best for me.
But just meeting him would not have been enough.

Had I not forgiven all those “other men” starting with father and moving down the line – I would not have been able to create the relationship I have now.
I would still be looking, still repeating the same mistakes.

And oh yes, one more thing. My health now is a hundred percent better than it was 20 years ago.

Think about it.

Forgetting and forgiving are not the same.
Denying the pain and pushing it deep down is very different from letting go and walking away free.

Denial is a powerful mechanism and it helped us survive a lot of things. But it doesn’t work long term. It can’t. What we have not released sits deep inside us and continues its destructive work.

It becomes our internal terrorist. Why? Because you never know when and where it will strike.

What else will it destroy, as we act unconsciously, out of habit and impulse? Another relationship? Another job? Another dream?
Or will it be our health this time? The pain of the heart surfacing as a stroke? A heart attack? A damaged liver or cancer?

So if you get upset and angry just remembering something, or if you find yourself suddenly getting sleepy, lethargic, uninterested or defensive when someone suggests to you that perhaps there are things you need to forgive – pay attention. It is your first clue.

Watch the video where I talk about why we should forgive. I will keep it on my website for some time. Same with the meditations. All of it is freeeee! So download them and they will be yours!
If you miss the Sunday, August 3rd Synchronized Meditations, not all is lost. Forgiveness is not something you do once. You can always turn on the guided meditation and do it again and again, each time going deeper.

Having said that, I hope you will join us all this Sunday and take advantage of the tremendous power generated by the combined focused intention. It will make forgiving so much more elegant.

Please, share your experiences here, on this blog. I am looking forward hearing your comments.

An Invitation to Join People All Over the World in 2 Guided Synchronized meditations.

Announcing the Most Exciting Event: The World Wide Movement to Forgive!
August 3rd, 2008 11am EST and 1pm EST.

An Invitation to Join People All Over the World
in 2 Guided Synchronized meditations.

Honoring the 12th Anniversary of the International Day of Forgiveness.

About a year ago roughly, an idea came to me seemingly out of the blue. And idea that wouldn’t leave.

What if great numbers of people would connect on the same day and at the same time focusing together on one singular issue: Forgiving the past and letting go of it once and for all?

What an enormously powerful healing experience would that be.

Because when many people come together joined by a singular intent the power and the effectiveness of this intent is exponentially increased.

Just think about. We have so many examples of what the energy generated by a mass movement can do. On both ends of the spectrum. That’s how all revolutions, all liberation movements, all uprisings have always began. Even right now, in the United States, with the presidential election campaign gathering momentum, every successful appearance of the presidential candidate has the potential power to create an internal change in everyone listening. If people are inspired and uplifted their mood raises, changing from hopelessness to hope, from fear to a new vision.

Why can’t we use this very principle to help ourselves heal the painful experiences of the past, so that they no longer color our experience of the present? So that we can finally let go of our various destructive patterns? Everyone has them to some degree. Many still live prisoners to their past, reliving it over and over again, acting it out in their every day lives, not realizing that they are the only ones with the key to unlock that prison and that it is up to them to use that key.

Because if it is up to our offenders, then we are really stuck. What if they couldn’t care less? What if they are dead? What if they don’t even remember?

And that’s how my idea became a vision. I followed that vision and it expanded and became its own force:

The International Day of Forgiveness is celebrating its 12th Anniversary! What a grand opportunity for all of us to join together in a powerful forgiveness meditation, forgiving our past and sending the wave of healing energy to every corner of the world, bringing change, bringing hope, bringing new possibility!

I created a 45 minute Video Webinar explaining the controversy around forgiveness, talking about the many misconceptions about it and why it is our only saving grace. I can write an entire book about it and probably will one day. 45 minutes of the video barely scratches the surface and yet – it is enough. Enough for now.
And I put all of it on my new website www.PowerofthePossible.com or www.AurielaMcCarthy.com

In addition to the video, I have recorded two guided forgiveness meditations - to forgive yourself and to forgive another – for streaming and downloading, (my gift to you so you can also use them in the future, any time you are drawn to do them.) You can access the meditation download page here or on my website www.PowweOfThePossible.com. It is all there.

Why the meditations? Because often the easiest and the most elegant way to forgive is a meditative way.

I did all this so everyone interested in giving Forgiveness a try can watch the video, think about what I am saying and make their own choice. And if the choice is yes – here is THE MOST EXCITNG NEWS OF ALL:

ON August 3rd, at 11 am Eastern (New York) Time and again at 1pm Eastern (New York) Time
we will all do it TOGETHER!

If you are reading this now – then – this news is for you. If you are moved to forward this blog – then this news is also for the ones that will receive it.
Trust your call. Forward the news. Let’s create this huge wave of energy! It has already began and is now spreading everywhere, to the most unexpected places.

Everybody carries pain in their hearts. Some more of it, others less, but all of us do. Let us heal as much as we can, so that there is less pain in the world. So that we are free to live the lives we have always dreamed of and have been destined to live.

Imagine being one with the great numbers of people all focusing on forgiving and letting go at the same time.

Imagine being part of a huge wave of energy moving through the planet, bringing the tears of forgiveness to the farthest corners of the world . Exponentially increasing the opportunity for healing and change for everyone.

Would you like to be part of this movement? To heal what’s still causing you pain? To heal what you’ve deemed “unforgivable” in yourself and in others? Something you were unable to let go of it or didn’t believe you could?

And now imagine a life free from pain. No skeletons to haunt you in the night, no demons from the past showing up unannounced, robbing you of your dreams in the last minute, no successes undone before your very eyes…A fantasy or a true possibility? An impossible dream or something that can be achieved?

There are people living this life already. How did they get there? They have found a way to let go of their past. They have forgiven themselves – and they have forgiven others.

Would you like to join me and so many others as we heal the past, forgive what has not yet been forgiven and set ourselves free?

Too good to be true? Try it anyway! What have you got to lose?
The old baggage, the weight of the past, all the reasons for “why not”… Any day is a good day to be done with them. Remember: The time to be free is always NOW.

And let us share our stories with each other. Let’s create a forum right here, on this blog. Write about your experience. Share your thoughts. Write now, and write again later, after you’ve meditated and forgave on August 3rd.
Expect your life to be different. Expect the change. And share what you can with us. Let’s all be each other’s inspiration!

Honoring the 12th Anniversary of the International Day of Forgiveness.

First, the wonderful news I have recently received.
The 2008 New York Book Awards has announced its winners.

The panel of judges reviewed books in 4 different languages published over the period of 8, 5 years ( January 1, 2000 to mid 2008.)
and awarded The Power of the Possible with An Honorable Mention!

I couldn’t fly to New York for the celebration which was on Saturday, June 28 in Central Park, but - I was thrilled at the news!

Which brings me to the next subject. The reason I couldn’t go was because I had been incredibly busy getting ready for the celebration of
The 12the Anniversary of the International day of Forgiveness
which this year is on August 3rd.

Those of you who read The Power of the Possible or listen to my radio show on www.webtalkradio.net know how much and how often I write and talk about forgiveness. I do it because I have come to a profound understanding that forgiving and letting go is the only way for us to be free of whatever had happened in the past that is still causing us pain. We will never be free otherwise. No matter how many successes we have created nor how good it all looks on the outside. Deep inside - something will be missing. We will always feel as if we are wearing a mask afraid to be found out.

I’ve come to understand this deeply, on a gut level through my own personal experience and also through the experiences of those around me - friends, family, clients…

I also know that the very idea of forgiveness is still surrounded in controversy. Can everything be forgiven? Where do we draw the line? Some people get incredibly angry at the very mention of forgiving, believing it must be earned, deserved, asked for.

Does it really? Here is something to think about:

One woman, a victim of horrendous crime, said to me that she had forgiven her abuser out of selfish reasons. “I simply couldn’t go on living with this pain inside me,” she said. I had to let it go.
“You did it out of self-love,” I said. “This is not selfish. This is courageous and powerful.”

Another woman, a survivor of an indescribable abuse, told me that the experience had turned her into a raging, dangerous person that she had been for many years. When decades later she began to understand that her own destructive behavior was the result of what had happened to her in the past, she also began to see the probability of similar (or worse) things having happened to her abuser as well, making him capable of that level of cruelty.

And while this does not excuse anything, it makes understanding and therefore forgiving and letting go more attainable.

“We are all capable of everything under different circumstances,” she said. “To deny it is to keep perpetuating the cycle of violence.”
Both these women had found their healing through understanding of their own humanity. Both of them made a choice to forgive. Both of them have become the advocates of forgiveness. And if anything had to be earned, they had earned that right. They had forgiven their abusers and they had forgiven themselves

Themselves??? But they were the victims…
Haven’t you noticed that no matter what happens to us – we always blame ourselves first? Asking the same question again and again: “Why did it happen to me?” “What could I have done differently?”

Just think about it. I know you will agree.

And let me tell you something else that you already know:
Revenge brings no healing and no peace. An eye for an eye hasn’t worked in ages. All of it simply continues the same circle of pain. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, like they promised us. But forgiveness will.

There will always be accountability and consequences to actions, but this is a different matter.
Yet, only forgiving yourself leads to not repeating the same mistakes.
And only forgiving others leads to finally being free from what they had had done to us. So we stop carrying them on our backs every minute of our days.

And while you are thinking about it make sure you read my next blog where I will tell you about the most exciting event taking place on August 3d in which you can participate. The next blog is an invitation!

Starving For Love.

It is 6:30 am. From my deck, I am watching the most glorious sunrise over the San Francisco Bay. Every possible color is splashed across the morning sky, from deep magenta to mauve, to violet, to luminous pink. The clouds are feathered like a fan and the sky is of the deepest, most sensuous blue …

I breathe it in, all of it, and I think about my mother.

Has she ever gasped at a sunrise like this one? Has she ever been moved to tears by the sheer mesmerizing, wordless beauty? Has she ever been touched by the unfathomable? Or longed to be touched by it? She must have. Everyone has.

But something happened to her and she shut it off. “Why do people cry at weddings?” she had asked me once… I was 18. I didn’t know where to even begin answering that question.

In her hospital bed, on 7grams of morphine per hour she is unconscious but still here. “Comfort care” they call it. And it is. There is nothing more the doctors can do for her. She is finally allowed to go in peace.

Morphine, the magic drip. Finally – mercy.

There is no more pain and no more suffering, and in front of my eyes a miracle of healing is unfolding. Not the physical healing, but the healing of the soul. My mother’s final gift to us and to herself.

All fight is gone, anger – vanished, resistance melted, bitterness forgotten. And in their place – what has been there all along just hiding behind the wall of pain – love. Love of the purest, most innocent nature. I have never experienced my mother this way.

Gentle as a child, she is so soft, so receptive. And it is suddenly so easy to love her. Sweetness is poring out of her and we all bask in it. She cannot talk except for a word or two, but words are not needed.

And it strikes me: my mother is dying from starvation. She has been starving for love all of her life. She had wanted love more than anything, but her relationship with love had been so tortured, so distorted.

She didn’t trust it. Wanting to get it, she did not know how to give it, nor how to receive what was being given. She lived a hard life, most of it in the former Soviet Union. She lived through the siege of Leningrad during World War II, she had 5 marriages – none of them happy…

We have never been close. And yet she was a formidable force throughout my youth…

She had the will of steel and that will is still there. Keeping her alive in spite of the failed kidneys. She is not ready yet, not done. She is finally receiving love. Receiving it without asking, receiving it the only way you can receive it – as a gift.

And so she hangs on. Until she has had enough.

We are all around her, loving her, kissing her, talking to her, singing her songs, stroking her hair…And she will be darned if she leaves all this too soon.

And this is what I will remember. These last days of total sweetness. These final poignant defining moments of love. This is what I will carry in my heart. It is the only thing that matters.

Thank you, mamachka.

Death. A Sacred Right of Passage

My mother is dying. Her kidneys are giving out, no longer responding to medication, and her lungs keep filling up with water, endless water coming from some bottomless underground reservoir in her body. The water doctors are unable to stop.

They pump it out – back it comes again, filling up her lungs, threatening to kill.

She is in constant pain. Incapable to move on her own, she is slipping in and out of consciousness. She is 84 years old.

Sitting by her hospital bed I listen to her strained breath. Her eyes twitch as her arms fly up in silent gestures, then everything comes to rest. She is trying to say something, responding to images she alone is seeing, but what comes out is almost always angry and bitter. A curse, a mean remark, and then back to oblivion.

Pain is bringing the unspoken to the surface. All pretence is dropped, exchanged for the freedom afforded to the ones dying.

It is a terrible, drawn out way to go. Yet she is denied the quiet dignity of leaving her body on her own terms. Death, the ultimate healing, the sacred final right of passage, the encounter with one’s Soul is not viewed this way in our culture. In our culture, we have successfully stripped death of all its mystery and turned it into something to be avoided at all cost.

My mother won’t be allowed to simply let go. Over medicated, she does not respond to treatments anymore. And yet the hospital is working around the clock trying to keep her alive.

I speak to her in my mind.

“Don’t be afraid,” I tell her. “You will be leaving your body soon. The body that doesn’t serve you anymore. All pain will end and with it all suffering. You will not die, just your body.

“You must step into the light,” I tell her. “Just remember: the moment you see your body as separate from yourself, just step into the light and you will be carried. The love will surround you, and peace, and freedom from pain. You will see the ones who left before you. It will be a grand celebration…

“Don’t be afraid, all is well and all is forgiven,” I tell her. I have made my peace with my mother years ago. We had a rocky, difficult relationship, but it’s all in the past. All is forgiven. I am telling the truth. All I feel for her right now is love, compassion, tenderness and great sadness. One should not have to suffer this way, one should just be allowed to let go.

Contrary to what I know to be true, I keep thinking these thoughts. I don’t want her to suffer. All that water that’s filling her lungs each time they successfully pump it out…

Water - the feelings we feel or would not feel. The feelings she had denied and had stuffed into her organs, refusing to deal with them while there was still time…

They are choking her now. Cutting off her breath, with her own body turning against her, holding her prisoner as it oozes out the stuff that had made it sick until enough of it is released so she can be set free.

That’s how I see it. This is my understanding. There are layers and layers to this, but it is not my place to go there.

“Stop scaring me!” My mother opens her eyes, suddenly conscious, then closes them again as I stop my meditative talk. She doesn’t want my reassurances. She has her own pictures of life after death, and she has a right to them.

The nurse who overhears this thinks my mother is delirious. Perhaps she is. But not on other levels. “I love you,” I tell her. She moves her finger. Then moans and tosses in her bed.

Discovering Ho'Oponopono

Searching the internet on what’s happening in the world around Forgiveness I found information on Ho’oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian method of healing, and Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, a magician who teaches it. I have also discovered that Joe Vitale had co-written the book Zero Limits with Dr. Hew Len. And so I did a 2 day workshop with Dr. Len and then I ordered and read the book. The process is amazing. It appears simple, but it’s miles deep. The book is a great introduction. After that - the best thing to do it to have an actual experience at a Ho’oponopono workshop. All I can say is that it is life changing and must be experienced, to appreciate fully. You can read about it at Joe Vitale’s blog, Dr. Joe Vitale at Zero, or on his website joevitale.com

Are you familiar with Ho’oponopono? If so, have you felt the difference after doing the process? I am doing it every day, in the morning when I wake up and before I go to bed, and also throughout the day.

The Choice to Forgive. My First Time.

Back to my first time. The first time I made a conscious choice to forgive someone from my past. And did.

After that relationship had ended I was in a lot of pain for quite a long time. But I had to go on. I had to go on living and so I did. The pain lived as well; it just went inside somewhere deep, where we always tuck away unfinished things. And there it remained, as if forgotten. Many years had passed. It was now 1986, I think.

A flier arrived one day in my mail box. It was from an actress, Shirley MacLaine. She was going to teach a workshop in Seattle and it had something to do with your Higher Self. I knew nothing about Higher Self at the time, but I had read Shirley MacLaine’s book “Out on a Limb”. In fact – it was my introduction to spirituality. Buying her book was an unusual thing for me to do. Yet, I picked it up from the shelf and bought it in an instant. I had no idea what I was going to read. I did not put it down till I was finished. Several years later, when I got the flier announcing her workshop, I signed up and flew to Seattle.

All I remember of that workshop is one thing: we are sitting in the dark room with our eyes closed as Shirley MacLaine is taking us on a guided visualization. “Bring the person that has hurt you most” she is saying. Who shall I bring? Suddenly the man I used to love is in front of me, in my mind’s eye, clear as a day. “Tell him about your feelings,” she says. “Tell him how angry you are, how hurt, tell it all.” It is as if all this time hasn’t passed. As if it all happened yesterday. I am crying now, but I stay with it. I tell him all that comes to me. I do not hold back. He listens without a word. He doesn’t argue, he does not respond. Only his eyes fill with understanding, with compassion and light. I feel his remorse. I also see my own role in the break up, something I never let myself see before. I am overwhelmed. I am no longer angry. I want to hug him, hold him in my arms, tell him it is OK. I understand as well. But instead – it is now his turn to talk. And just as if he was right there in front of me in real life I begin to hear his voice in my head. His part of the story. I never saw things this way before. It turns out – I wasn’t as innocent as I remembered myself to be. He too carries his share of hurt and pain. He is also angry, and – he has the reasons to be so. I listen. By the time he is done – all I can feel is how sorry I am. How much I want his forgiveness. “I am sorry,” I whisper. “Please, forgive me. I didn’t understand.” He smiles. It is suddenly OK. All of it – OK. It doesn’t matter anymore. All is forgiven. The only thing that remains – is love. The love we once felt, the love we feel again. We do not want to be together. Our time is past. But we are free to go our separate ways. “Good bye,” we whisper, as he fades into the night. “Good bye. And thank you.”

Many years have passed since my “first time.” I have had countless experiences of forgiveness. Slowly, step by step, I was setting myself free from my past. Always, forgiving myself first had been essential, often more important than forgiving others. Perhaps my next book indeed will be the book of forgiveness (like I had planned) with many stories to tell? Quite possible.

And what about you? Is there an experience of forgiveness you’d like to share?

Oh, and by the way, my headaches are long gone, and the ulcer is just a distant memory. I have been in glorious health for a long time. But more about it some other time.

"I Can Never Forgive"

On July 17, somewhere between the hours of 4 to 5am, while in a meditation to fire the grid, I received a very clear vision to start leading meditations on forgiveness. They should be available to everyone. I will create a sacred space, send out an invitation and people for whom it is right to come will come. The vision was very clear: a darkened room, candles, soft music, people entering quietly, leaving all their worries at the door, taking their places in the room, getting ready. And then – we start. I have been taking people on meditations for very many years. Forgiveness meditation is one of the most powerful ones that I have done. You forgive yourself, and you forgive whoever it is that you are ready to forgive. Forgiveness is the ultimate healing. Without forgiveness, there can be no change. That’s why I have written so much about forgiveness in my book The Power of the Possible.

The vision I had received has stayed with me, though I haven’t acted on it yet because most of my time is going towards preparation for the release of my book The Power of the Possible in the beginning of January. But I am getting ready in my mind, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Today while I was walking in the park the vision came again, and as it unfolded I realized that I needed to start by telling a story. A story about me, something from my own experience.

And then I remembered. My first time. The first time I made a conscious choice to forgive someone who had caused me pain.

But let me go back.

I am very young. I am leaning against the wall, talking to the man I am in love with. It is the beginning of our relationship. “I want to warn you,” I am saying. “You must know that I can never forgive.” I am warning him: don’t hurt me. If you do – I will never forgive you. Never. I had been hurt too many times by then and I had not forgiven any one of the offenders. Mostly – I cut them out of my life. Banished them, in an attempt to be free from them. Of course, I was never free from any of these people of my past. Banished, they had made their home right inside my body and my psyche and there they remained.

I didn’t leave home without a bottle of Excedrin in my bag ever at that time. Headaches were simply a fact of life. And Excedrin was the way to go.

Today, in 2007, it is hard to even imagine that someone could actually say what I said to this man for real. But what is even more difficult to imagine is that the man did not recoil and did not walk away appalled and shocked, but instead – nodded in complete understanding. He understood not forgiving. It made perfect sense to him…

Yes, that was the kind of man I attracted at the time. The kind of man that was attracted to me. When the relationship was over, just as I predicted I could not forgive him for a long time. My headaches remained my life companion for many more years. The time came when I could no longer take Excedrin to help with them. By that time I had been hospitalized several times with internal bleedings caused by stomach ulcers. Doubled up by pain, I was on Tagamet, which helped a little with the pain in my stomach, but did nothing for my headaches. And now I could not take anything that had acid in it. And Excedrin was all aspirin. An absolute no no in my condition. And so a more serious drug, a prescription drug had been prescribed by the kind doctor to alleviate my continuous headaches. Only he had forgotten that the drug he had prescribed had a side effect. Drowsiness. It was simply a miracle that I had not fallen asleep at the wheel. I did get home by taxi though and slept from 3 pm until the next morning.

Why I am I telling you all this? you might ask.

But don’t you see? Had I not stopped, had I kept on looking for a different medication to anaesthetize myself from my pain, had that drug been found and given to me, would it have been the end? I doubt it. What’s more probable, or – certain, is that one drug would have led to another, ulcers would have led to something else, something more serious, and so on, and so forth…by now I would have been on antidepressants, on medication for hypertension ( my family has this history), I would have had an adult onset of diabetes (both my grandmother and my mother had theirs by the time they were younger than I am), and I would certainly not have written The Power of the Possible, nor lived the life I lived and am living now and would not have received the vision to begin taking people on forgiveness meditations.

I’ll write more about it in the next blog. If you’d like to comment, share your experience or thoughts on forgiveness, I would love to hear from you. Let’s talk.